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On Ebb tide

by Ellenna 

Posted: 28 August 2003
Word Count: 101

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I miss your hand
it's no consolation to tap in words
with mine for you to read
I miss your hand...

I miss your eyes
it's no consolation to dream of green
pretend I'm blind
I miss your eyes..

I miss your voice
it's no consolation to sing the songs
transposing lines inside my head
I miss your voice..

I miss your calm
it's no consolation waiting
to stop the spiralling doubts and fears
I miss your calm..

I miss your love
it's no consolation to say we do
in whispered calls at midnight
I miss your love..

I miss you

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Comments by other Members

olebut at 10:09 on 28 August 2003  Report this post

a poem the sentimnet of which I guess all of us have written at some time in our lives, probably more than once

I like the repetition of I miss your......

I am minded to think that when read the last line of each stanza should be whispered hauntingly almost as an echo.

I think the title is also great, appropriate but not too obvious.

thank you for posting it

take care


Ioannou at 10:17 on 28 August 2003  Report this post
I love your poems, Ellie. I like the way you structured this one. In a way, any one of the stanzas could have been a whole poem on its own. The repetition of of the first line at the end of each verse is so like how it is when you miss someone and you latch on to something and repeat it to yourself. The only line I wasn't convinced by was "no consolation to dream of green pretend I'm blind." The other lines like this sounded so natural but this one didn't (for me! so...). Looking forward already to next one. Love, Maria.

Fearless at 10:19 on 28 August 2003  Report this post


littlegypsyau at 14:02 on 28 August 2003  Report this post
Hey Ellie,

i think it is a hauntingly lovely poem filled with feeling of much sadness and regret for things/people lost.
it spoke volumes to me.
well done.

wendy :)

peterxbrown at 00:42 on 29 August 2003  Report this post
What a beautifully written poem. I think it taps into feelings we have all experienced at some time and you have brought it to life.You have made it so real and personal.
I am not too sure that the shorter line "Its no cnsolation waiting" works as well as the rythm of the other verses.
"Its no consolation waiting"
may be too obvious an alternative, but I don't think the shortened/quicker pace of the line suits the concept of "waiting" either.
Anyway, I still love it!

Ellenna at 10:19 on 29 August 2003  Report this post
David,Peter,Maria,Wendy and Woz.. thank you so much for reading and commenting..and glad that that the poem touched you

Ellie :)

Tina at 17:07 on 29 August 2003  Report this post

I love this - especailly the repetition although I wonder if the final line in each verse might have been a different kind of 'I miss you'???
We have all been in this place and it is almost a haunting poem - you could imagine it with some dramatic backdrops!
Thanks for your work


Account Closed at 18:54 on 29 August 2003  Report this post
Hi - this was very moving, I liked it very much. Repetition is brilliantly done. Like someone else here, I wasn't sure about the "green" line though - maybe without the green is better???

Anne B

Ellenna at 18:57 on 29 August 2003  Report this post
Tina thank you ! I am always so grateful for everyones comments.. glad it struck a chord :)

Ellenna at 22:46 on 29 August 2003  Report this post
Holly thanks so much ! yes the green seems to jar with people.. I don't think I can change that though just now
I am keeping an open head and who knows .. I do value all comments though and think about them.. again thanks :)


Hilary Custance at 07:28 on 30 August 2003  Report this post
So sad and so direct, Ellie, works really well. Love your repetitions, don't shorten them, please. I love the green eyes and had to re-read to try and see what might have bothered others. The line worked immediately for me, so I am confused. (Perhaps some people don't join up eyes and green?). The structure is perfect for the content, gives it a really lamenting feeling and with the title as well. Cheers, Hilary

Ellenna at 09:15 on 30 August 2003  Report this post
Hilary, many thanks for your comments and I am glad it worked for you ! thank you


Josh at 10:20 on 01 September 2003  Report this post
Thanks for reading my poem ellie, I like this, I'm in the break up get back to gether stage of things and I can relate to what you've said, it brings up feelings. Josh.

Felmagre at 09:04 on 02 September 2003  Report this post
Strangly, the emotion which came over most strongly to me in this poem was that of 'pondering' aslmost as though one wanted to climb into another's mind, to experience what they were feeling, how they experienced life.

I found the poem though provoking, wistful rather than sad; accordingly the 'green eyes wporked for me'


Whoops, fingers and thumbs this morning, sorry about typo's

Susan70 at 20:52 on 06 September 2003  Report this post
I loved the repetion and the feeligs it brought out in me. Simple but so well structured. Wasn't sure about the last line. I felt like I wanted something suprising. I feel like the poem could have turn with a little twist at the end. Or maybe thats just my perverse mind! It has made me want to read more of your poems as I really like the style of this one.

Ellenna at 08:58 on 07 September 2003  Report this post
Thank you Susan .. the last line is almost a gasp of frustration in describing how much this person is missed after listing several things and its the simplest way to say you miss them in entirety.....words have become redundant ..

so glad it meant something to you .. and welcome to WW !


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