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You and Me.

by Bobo 

Posted: 27 August 2003
Word Count: 135


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A Friendship kindled in the strangest of places -
That spark of connection in unusual faces.
The soul of each fusing with the other -
familial love as sister and brother.

I know you deeply, as you know me.
Yet tell me truly how can that be?
‘Kindred Spirits’ - perhaps that’s it.
Tho’ I fear such a cliché does not fully fit.

Linked by suffering? It’s certainly true
that I felt deeply empathic when first I met you.
When I look at you is it reflection I see?
A more worldly-wise male version of me?

What do you see when looking my way?
As with so much in your life you never do say.
I hope the answer will one day be ‘a friend’ -
one who, perhaps, can help your soul to mend.






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Comments by other Members



Fearless at 20:35 on 27 August 2003  Report this post
I know these feelings and questions upon which we dwell.
But I couldn't have put it so well.
Thank you.

Fearless

Bobo at 08:03 on 28 August 2003  Report this post
Thanks again Woz. Inspired by the same friend as my Ode To A Welshman.

Lisa x

olebut at 09:01 on 30 August 2003  Report this post
Lisa

I think we have all ben here at some point or at least most of us a nice poem about real relationships.

on the techniical side a few minor comments

line 3 although i like the line the metre seems interupted

it may work if you removed ' the ' and replaced it with 'an'



line 10 the phrase 'deeply empathic' is an awful mouthful and one stutters over it a little ( or at least I did) but perhaps ' deep empathy' works slightly more readily

line 11 I think you should consider inserting the word 'a' before the
word 'reflection'

line 14 although I use 'do' often myself in similar context it is a little archaic and it may not be needed here.


line 15 leave out 'a' before 'friend'

line 16 leave out 'to' before 'mend'


only my suggestions which you and others may or may not agree with but it is a nice emotive 'real' poem

thank you for sharing it

take care
david

Bobo at 09:09 on 30 August 2003  Report this post
Thanks David -

Poetry's not really my thing,. as you can probably tell! Thanks so much for the comments re things that didn't quite work - all of your suggestions are spot on, and I will be amending it accordingly later.

Much appreciated,

Lisa x

Ellenna at 09:13 on 30 August 2003  Report this post
Hi Lisa .. this strikes a lovely chord . Beautifully expressed..lovely!

Ellie :)


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