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by hailfabio 

Posted: 10 May 2006
Word Count: 86

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When I need the strength to carry on
and there's nothing left within,
that's when I look to you.

When I need to know the way to go
and there is no path,
that's when I take your direction.

When I need the inpiration
and have no motivation,
that's when your words mean so much.

When I need a hero
and nobody is here,
that's when you are part of me.

When you are gone
and your legend lives on,
that's when new hero's are born.

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Comments by other Members

The Walrus at 19:19 on 10 May 2006  Report this post
An amazing tribute/inspiration. Direct and minimalistic in structure.

A poem that speaks, clearly.


hailfabio at 23:41 on 10 May 2006  Report this post
It's interesting that you say tribute, because that's what it is.

Thank you

James Graham at 14:59 on 16 May 2006  Report this post
A very genuine tribute, as Christina says. I think we can tell it's a tribute to a real person, not just a poem about heroes generally. I like the way you've found a simple, clear structure, just based on the pattern 'When I need...that's when...'; yet each verse is different, the first about strength, the next about uncertainty, then motivation. The fourth isn't about one need in particular, but seems to sum up all the others - and because of that, I can't help feeling it could be made the last verse, leaving out the fifth. 'That's when you are part of me' is such a strong final line. See what you think.

Just one line that could maybe be changed - 'my head is in a spin' is a bit of a cliche, and I think it would improve this verse if you could find a more original line to express uncertainty or confusion. Especially as the third line, 'that's when I take your direction', is so telling.


hailfabio at 14:08 on 19 May 2006  Report this post
Thanks james,

Yes that line is too clique.

The last verse I was trying to express how the admirers go on to take the place of their heros. Perhaps it is one too many.


James Graham at 10:35 on 20 May 2006  Report this post
'And there is no path' is much better - a very simple line, nothing fancy, but it works perfectly. On reflection, the last three lines seem fine. I still think the second-last three are the best in the poem, but there's no reason why the best lines must always be at the end. I remember being taught Wordsworth's 'Tintern Abbey' at school, and the teacher saying we wouldn't bother much about the last section of the poem because it wasn't as good as the rest. In fact it isn't - but the poem would still be poorer without it. So what's good enough for Wordsworth is good enough for the rest of us!

Your poem made me think about how easy it can be to write a poem about some 'poetic' subject such as 'Heroes' as a kind of exercise - and the result is something lifeless - and how your poem is much better than that. I'm still left with the strong impression that, altough it's expressed in abstract terms, it comes out of real experience and carries conviction.


hailfabio at 12:09 on 23 May 2006  Report this post
Kind words James.


I think in a lot of poems, the best bits aren't at the end but the end sums up the poem's ideas nicely.


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