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Cat and Mouse.

by Jubbly 

Posted: 10 May 2006
Word Count: 294
Summary: A take on the outsider theme.


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The wretched woman lay quite still conserving energy but her emaciated frame gave her the appearance of a dead thing.

Yesterday's feeding had been particularly violent, her nostril had split and was caked in dry blood and the remnants of yellow vomit still clung to her robe.

No doubt her mother would meet her on release. Her humiliated and shamed mother who though ridiculed by friends and neighbours found it impossible to ignore her daughter’s plight.

"Drink this;" she’ll plead, offering up a homemade tonic.

"Into the carriage, before anyone sees us, come, come."

As a girl she’d sat in the back garden watching Harold their well-fed Tom toy with his rodent prey.

Spinning it around until the poor creature was weak with giddiness, allowing it a short respite while it staggered off to assumed freedom, like a drunkard trying to walk a straight line but just as it thought it safe, Harold would pounce yet again. The game wasn’t finished; no it would go on and on, until the unwilling competitor gave up.

The bolt was released and the heavy iron door dragged open.

"You can be off now, Madam."

The guard was used to her now, some of them didn’t return, they were so weakened and traumatised by the prison experience they generally withered and died. It would be hushed up and the consumption blamed or thankfully for the Government, they were simply not fit enough to carry on the fight.

But not this one, this mouse was not going to go easily.

"If they’re the educated ones, heaven help the others."

Her mother was there, her face a mixture of pride and sorrow, she was holding a banner bearing the slogan, DEEDS NOT WORDS, though Annie’s form crumbled her heart soared.









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Comments by other Members



Jago at 15:36 on 10 May 2006  Report this post
For so few words, this is quite affecting.

Through her torment (or should that be torture), the Suffragette can sobrely see the analogy between herself and the remembered mouse. With emotional impact that denotes her stoicism and guts.

And her mother with her tonic and the polite guard add further depth with considerable economy.

Two slight blips: yesterdays and should it be 'You can be off now, Madam.'

But I really liked this.

Best regards,
Robin

Jubbly at 17:00 on 10 May 2006  Report this post
Thanks so much Robin, I'm glad it all comes across. Some of the incidents that occured during that period are the most shameful I've heard about in peace time, it was not unknown to forcefeed them annally or vaginally and most of these women were as they say, 'unmarried'. I'll make those suggested corrections at once.

Thanks for reading.

Julie

Corona at 10:19 on 11 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Julie,

This is not a part of history that I know too much about, but the story has a strong impact which was your intention in the first place right?
A thought provoking piece - nicely written! Good to see your writing again...

All the best
-E

Katy Kat at 10:59 on 11 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Julie

I loved the defiance and determination of your character - battered and up against it but unbroken in the place where it matters. The reader knows she'll do it all again and cheers her on.

though Annie’s form crumbled her heart soared


Great read

Katy Kat

Katy Kat at 11:04 on 11 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Julie

I loved the defiance and determination of your character - battered and up against it but unbroken in the place where it matters. The reader knows she'll do it all again and cheers her on.

though Annie’s form crumbled her heart soared



Great read

Katy Kat

<Added>

Thought it was so good I'd tell you twice!!

Prospero at 18:12 on 11 May 2006  Report this post
And we have the audacity to condemn other countries over humanitarian issues.

All these women wanted was a right to representation in a so called democratic society, hardly justification for the savagery of their treatment.

A spare but very effective story Julie

Best

Prosp.

crowspark at 22:14 on 11 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Julie.
Those first two sentences build powerfully.
The mother's terse comments show her torn between fear and compassion.
Loved,
Spinning it around until the poor creature was weak with giddiness, allowing it a short respite while it staggered off to assumed freedom, like a drunkard trying to walk a straight line but just as it thought it safe, Harold would pounce yet again. The game wasn’t finished; no it would go on and on, until the unwilling competitor gave up.

And great how you echo the cat releasing the rodent with,
The bolt was released and the heavy iron door dragged open.


Great ending, I could almost see the lettering.

Tiny nit, they seem to be getting into the carriage before they get out of prison?

Wonderful flash.
Bill


Jubbly at 08:48 on 12 May 2006  Report this post
Thanks for reading John and Bill, yep those sure were harsh times. Which is why I always vote. Bill, the reference to the carriage earlier is meant to come across as semi hallucinary memory of other times her mother has met her, but if that's not clear I'll take another look.

Cheers all

Julie

crowspark at 11:59 on 12 May 2006  Report this post
No doubt her mother would meet her on release

I get it!
It was late -- I was feeling a little tense :)

Prospero at 12:45 on 12 May 2006  Report this post
P.M.T. can be very debilitating in the older man, Bill. That is why H.R.T. and W.W.F. are such a boon :)

Prosp

(W.W.F. - Write Words Flash, not World Wrestling Federation or World Wildlife Fund)

P

crowspark at 20:03 on 12 May 2006  Report this post
Tense as in the wrong tense.

Is it hot in here or is it me :)

choille at 18:13 on 13 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Jubbly,

Liked the subject matter. Where all suffragettes middle class? HIStory would have it so.

I wondered if 'bint' was a word that would be used then. I can't find it in my dictionary, which is ancient.

I especially liked the mother, who seemed initially to be embarrassed at her daughter's endevours, but at the end is supporting her cause, therefore her daughter with banner and all.

Great stuff

Caroline.


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