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Flash Fiction #94: What a Difference a Day Makes

by Cailleachna 

Posted: 22 April 2006
Word Count: 374
Summary: With the passing this week of Gene Pitney, I've taken one of his songs as the drive behind this week's challenge. Not to be confused with the TV series, this week's prompt is Twenty Four Hours. Tulsa is not required - just a max of 750 words by midnight on Saturday the 22nd!


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It's hard to imagine that twenty-four hours ago, I didn't know you.

She stared through the clear wall that separated them, as if somehow she could will health and stamina through it. As if somehow she could make up for the two months lost through pure chance. The labour had lasted twenty-four hours, and the doctor had been amazed by the fight Ben had put up. It was as if he knew it wasn't the time; that by rights he should have another eight or nine weeks within the warm safety of her womb and he was determined to hang on. But the car accident - nothing major, just a shunt from a BMW that had come up behind her and not braked in time - had started a chain of events that meant her waters breaking. And now Ben was here, premature but perfect, lying in a neo-natal care unit while she sat in the corridor in her dressing gown.

If I could just hold you for a while...

They'd told her they had to get him into an incubator, just to be sure. The nurse was quite certain he'd be fine; thirty weeks was more than enough development for him to have a fully formed body, he was just a little bit smaller than he should be.

And twenty-four hours before that she'd been ambivalent about him. The day before the accident, she'd still been debating about whether or not she even wanted the child, although it was a bit late to do anything about it now. She should have thought about that in the twenty-four hours before she'd used up the last of the condoms in the bedside table and decided not to bother going to the supermarket for more. Or the twenty-four hours before she'd met Ryan in a dusty, crowded club and allowed him to buy her more drinks than she could afford for herself.

Now she just watched her son, as she had been doing for a whole day since his birth time was written down, as she would no doubt be doing for several weeks, until they would let her take him home.

I love you.

Twenty-four hours ago, he'd been a stranger. Now he was hers.






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Comments by other Members



Prospero at 10:09 on 22 April 2006  Report this post
Lovely Sharon,

Beautifully written and with the emotion exquisitely shaded. You brought the back story in so smoothly I barely noticed it was there until the second read through.

Gorgeous

Well done

John

optimist at 10:18 on 22 April 2006  Report this post
Hi Sharon,

What a lovely story.

Neo natal unit rather than intensive care?

Also she'd be able to touch him probably through holes in the incubator - they tend to dress premature babies in little woolly hats to keep their heads warm - and there might be a tube or two?

Not that it needs the detail but if you wanted to use it?

I also wondered about the length of the labour - what sometimes happens is they give you drugs to try to delay you going into labour and give the baby something to mature the lungs - but then the labour itself can be very fast. I'm not sure what the time limit is for delivery after the waters breaking but probably less than 24 hours?

Anyway - feel free to ignore - I loved the story!

Sarah

Jubbly at 12:20 on 22 April 2006  Report this post
Hello Sharon,

I agree, a very moving well told tale, exquisite writing and a real tension that made me will him to be okay.

As for the time, with my first boy my waters broke a full 26 hours before he was born and the second, just one hour.

well done

Julie

little monkey at 12:35 on 22 April 2006  Report this post
This is lovely - very moving and beautifully written.

crowspark at 14:31 on 22 April 2006  Report this post
Lovely story Sharon and good use of the prompt.

Liked your mc's ambivalence about the baby before he arrived and the bonding afterwards.

Nice writing.

Bill

Cailleachna at 17:09 on 22 April 2006  Report this post
Have amended the name of the ward - thanks Sarah. I was really uncertain about a few of the technical details on this one, had to look up what the survival rate for babies born at 30 weeks was. I thought the subject matter was delicate enough that I wanted to get it right.

In a way I think this is a hopeful message to myself...I am planning on having children in the next few years and although I am intellectually looking forward to it, I worry about whether or not I will really connect with them, as I've never been a very maternal person (except to my cats!)

Very pleased you liked it.

Sharon

Jumbo at 23:21 on 22 April 2006  Report this post
Sharon

Lovely writing.

I like the way you shift the character's feelings about the child: from disinterest - almost to the extent of wanting to get rid of it - to the much more positive bonding that had occurred over the 24 hours since the birth.

And I also liked the way you feed us little details of the mother's life - the condoms in the bedside table and meeting Ryan in the bar.

Great flash!

All the best

jumbo


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