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The Present
Posted: 21 April 2006
Word Count: 56
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Thank you for the present. It’s beautiful.
I’ve kept it in my room all these years.
Everyday I look at it and think of you.
That silly green spiky thing, just like us.
I heard you died on November 7th.
I opened my curtains. Birds were feeding in the garden.
Parrots.They were so noisy and funny.
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Comments by other Members
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 James Graham at 15:40 on 23 April 2006
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A very fine short poem, written in matter-of-fact language but producing at the end that beautiful, simple affirmation. We can all think of poems that claim to make beautiful affirmations but are really just gush. No gush here - the gush factor is nil. This is real feeling, not sentimentality. The kind of present it is, a 'silly green spiky thing', and the fact that the birds are noisy, funny parrots not pretty songbirds, contribute to that; but it's not just devices that do the trick, the whole language and tone is convincing and genuine.
I'm struck too by how much the poem says by not saying it - how much is 'between the lines' and between sentences. 'That silly green spiky thing, just like us' - between that sentence and the next we can imagine (in our own terms) a story, a relationship that fits this description. And then the next sentence, when it comes, is very sudden and sad. Again, in the pause between 'November 7th' and 'I opened my curtains' there are feelings, thoughts and memories for the reader to fill in - our own version of them, of course, around people we have known.
Are the parrots real or fictional? It doesn't affect the poem, but it would be interesting to know.
James.
P.S. I'm not really supposed to remark on this, but I've restrained myself for quite a long time. Do you notice the wide range of parrot products advertised on the left of the screen? Thus, if John Keats joined WW: 'Much have I travelled in the realms of gold...' - Ladies and Gents Gold Watches...Out-of-Season Travel Offers!
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 NinaLara at 20:17 on 23 April 2006
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Dear Swoo -
I read this last night and was very moved by it ... but didn't really know what to say. I've looked at it again tonight, and I still don't know what to say. My English teacher at school (many years ago now) told mt it is not easy to say anything about a really good poem. This must be a sign that this is a really good poem. "I've kept it in my room all these years" is so simple but tells a may larger story. The contrast between 'I heard you died' and the Parrots is wonderful. I love it .. and I'm sure I'll read it again tomorrow night.
Nina
<Added>
sorry about typos - told me and much larger
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 joanie at 18:10 on 25 April 2006
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Hi Swoo. I really like the way that there are simple statements, expressed in a matter-of-fact way in this poem. I found my mind spinning off in all directions as I read.
It leaves me feeling pleasantly moved.
joanie
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Swoo at 17:46 on 01 May 2006
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Ah, those parrots! yes, they're real. I live in Richmond and we have probably more parrots - or more accurately parakeets - than sparrows here. Parrots do make me laugh.
I continue deeply to appreciate the comments and the time people have taken to think about and respond to these writings. It's a scary thing, putting stuff out into the world. I'm feeling like I'm all take take take at the moment without giving anything back to the other writers here. I do read the work but have yet to find language that's more sophisticated than 'it's nice and I like it'. I will try harder!
Thanks again.
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