 Account Closed at 10:43 on 25 August 2003
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Goodness, really explosive, this one - loved all those hard "p" sounds - like bullets from the gun. I enjoyed it without knowing the answer!
Anne B
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olebut at 12:10 on 25 August 2003
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I have the image of broken pieces of a mirror with the sunlight catching the edges and firng rainbows into the sky . accompanied by the broken images of a face staring back form the pieces of shattered mirror.
Right or wrong I like this and the emotion it projects
david
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poemsgalore at 18:33 on 25 August 2003
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I'm probably completely wrong Lisa, but I see this as describing society. full of insincere (plastic) people causing society to self destruct (prism of life cracks). Anyway, whatever it means I love it.
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Lisa at 20:56 on 25 August 2003
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My dear poemsgalore! Well done - it's essentially about the self-destructiveness of society, the synthetic nonsense with which we surround ourselves and the kaleidoscope of litter we cluuter our lives up with.
Marvellous!
Although, I wish it meant what David wrote - sounds wonderful - glad you could read that into it!
Lisa
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peterxbrown at 23:44 on 25 August 2003
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Very powerful and intriguing, I too love the hard sounds, the sp words almost spit with contempt.
Naturally, I immeadiately knew exactly what it was about! (As soon as I had finished reading your explanation!!)
I knew it wasn't about mangoes!
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Lisa at 15:42 on 26 August 2003
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Ha ha ha! My mangoes haunt me everywhere I go!
Cheers Peter.
Lisa
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olebut at 17:08 on 26 August 2003
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Lisa
I often wonder if it is better not to reveal your emotion for writing a poem and letthe reader get from it what they will.
Does it not perhaps enhance the value of the piece if the reader can see different images from those which the poet originally perceived when they wrote the poem.
just a thought
david
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Adam at 21:58 on 27 August 2003
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I concur David: it could be about internet porn (especially the 'cracks' bit; he he!)
Interesting poem Lisa... For me, the rhythm was lost in the second line, and slightly detracted from the poem. However, there is certainly something there, which doesn't require the harshness of 'polyurethane' (which jars in its complexity and sound), but perhaps a simpler, more "anti-assonance" word which fits in with the p's and c's sounds...
Adam x
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Lisa at 10:23 on 28 August 2003
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Thanks chaps.
The whole piece evolved from the word "polyurethane" so I'm clinging to that word. It wasn't my intention to write a "nice" poem, that's why I quite like the discordance of that word. Thanks for your comments, though. Certainly food for thought.
I'm interested to know what others feel about that very synthetic word in a form of poetry more often associated with natural imagery.
Lisa
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olebut at 10:27 on 28 August 2003
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Lisa
whilst I appreciate the point Adam is making I like the idea of
polyurethane people
yes it is quite harsh but isn't that part of the emotion of the poem ?
and after all we seem to be surrounded by them especially in certain walks of life but lets not get too political
take care
david
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bluesky3d at 10:47 on 28 August 2003
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Well you should see Polythene Pam
She's so good-looking but she looks like a man
Well you should see her in drag dressed in her polythene bag
Yes you should see Polythene Pam.
Yeah yeah yeah
Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt
She's killer-diller when she's dressed to the hilt
She's the kind of a girl that makes the "News of the World"
Yes you could say she was attractively built.
Yeah yeah yeah.
A :o)
fab four poetry takes some beatin
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Adam at 00:16 on 29 August 2003
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Lisa,
My only point, although perhaps badly expressed, is that the word "polyurethane" does not work in this poem. It jars rythmically as well as aestheically, and lets the poem down down in a big way! The poem has potential, yet I understand if you wish to stick to the orginal inspiration, in spite of its overt conspicuosness...
Good luck!
Adam x
<Added>
p.s.: I've never met a polyurethane person - perhaps a false, plastic person... but don't write between the lines! It's as subtle as a fart in church!
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Lisa at 12:29 on 29 August 2003
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Well Adam, you really do have a way with words - out of the naive goodness of my heart I'll assume you didn't mean the last comments to sound as offensive as they came across.
Trust me that your earlier comment wasn't put across half as badly as that one.
I still like the word polyurethane. Try saying it in broken staccato syllables when reading the haiku - it gives the synthetic edge the piece needs. That synthetic quality is what this poem is about.
David has grasped the concept. (Cheers for your thought-provoking comments, David!) Why should a poem be easy to read?
Lisa
P.S. Adam - please make your comments rather more subtle (and indeed more palatable) than a fart in a church, mate.
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poemsgalore at 18:26 on 29 August 2003
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Quite frankly, I know a lot of polyurethane people and it sounds more effective than merely being plastic. The only problem I have with the word is that it's so damn difficult to spell!!
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Adam at 03:21 on 30 August 2003
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Lisa,
Please excuse me, I didn't mean to be offensive at all. I meant to convey my comments in a jokey style, and reading them back, I can understand how they can be inappropriate. My sincere apologies.
I really do think this is a good poem, although I don't necessarily agree with the word 'polyurethane'. My comments come across incredibly badly, but I assure you you it was simply a bad attempt at lightening them. i am not a comedian. Sorry.
Apologies,
Adam x
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Lisa at 11:47 on 30 August 2003
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Sorry Adam - should be me apologising as I overreacted somewhat.
No hard feelings, mate.
Lisa
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