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Cat And Mouse.

by choille 

Posted: 15 April 2006
Word Count: 665
Summary: Locked Challenge.


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Cat And Mouse.

They were the only two booked in for the weekend: she young enough to be the daughter, him tall, distinguished, with a craggy poker face - not unattractive, but there was something stern & stand-offish about his demeanour.

The first evening they came down for dinner, she followed a few paces behind looking wan and vulnerable in pale taffeta. He wore a blazer and old school tie - possibly Eton, but none of us were grand enough to know.

He ordered for them both. I took the champagne across and soundlessly twisted the cork out, poured a sample into the fluted glass. He sniffed and swirled it, then threw it down his throat. He turned to me and nodded so I filled their glasses, placed the bottle into the ice bucket and retreated to the kitchen to watch them from the round window in the swing-doors. They didn’t look at one another. The girl studied her fingers, seemed to be fretting as she picked at her nails. He lit a cigar and puffed blue smoke that curled towards her. When I placed the prawn starters down, she flinched and looked across at him pleading with her wide doe-like eyes. He lifted his sea food and twisted the heads off, cracked the shells and prised them off with nicotine stained thumbs. He watched her discomfort as he ate the white flesh.

‘May I prepare them Madam?’ I enquired. She looked grateful.

‘No. Bring me some brandy - warmed.’ He almost shouted.

I went and fetched the cognac, a crystal balloon glass and the meth’s burner. I set the contraption up at the side of their table and lit it. I fiddled with the dial to adjust the flame and poured a measure into the glass. I watched her furtively as she sat head bowed, idly moving the prawns about her plate with the fork. I turned the glass over the flame, meths and brandy fumes permeating the air. She sighed and placed her fork down with a clatter as if bored. I removed the plates and fetched the rare steak, hovered to see if they required anything else. Again the man nodded, but this time it was to dismiss me.

When I came with the cheese board, the man asked if I could do him a favour, go to his room and fetch a box he’d left on the dressing table. He dangled the hotel key by it’s over large fob.

I went to the second floor and stood outside the Bismark suite. For some reason I knocked and waited. I thought I heard a movement from within, so I tapped on the door again and hesitated. After a minute I opened it and felt a cold breeze from the open window, rain spots were dotting the ledge. I pulled it shut and through the wet streaked glass noticed something moving along the shadows of the drive. A fox probably, I thought.
The four poster was dishevilled, flimsy underwear lay strewn on the floor. I went to the dressing table and in the middle of a cluster of perfume bottles and cosmetics sat an ornate silver box, a mongramme swirled about inlaid gems. I picked it up and held it, then shook it gently. It sounded empty. I opened it. It was lined with padded red silk and contained nothing apart from a few crumbs. I closed it guiltily and took it down the dining room.
I placed it at the Major’s right elbow. He nodded at the empty glasses so I lifted the bottle, wiped it free of melted ice. As I did so, the man carved small chunks from all the different cheeses and placed them in the box. He caught me watching him.

‘It’s for the mouse,’ he glanced at his companion, who looked down at her lap. The man lifted his replenished glass as if to toast her, winked and bellowed, ‘ She’s the mouse and I’m the cat.’









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Comments by other Members



Jumbo at 18:38 on 15 April 2006  Report this post
Caroline,

I really liked this,

And what a cracker of a last line! So unexpected.

You paint the man brilliantly - I hate him. I already hated him by the time I read He sniffed and swirled it, then threw it down his throat. - and it was downhill from there!

A great descrition of the hotel room and the bed, and a brilliant diversion with the open window and the suspicion of the fox!!

Altogether, a wonderful flash!

All the best

jumbo





choille at 18:48 on 15 April 2006  Report this post
Thanks Jumbo,

I think you did mine as I did yours.
Thanks for reading and your kind comments.

All the best
Caroline.

crowspark at 21:16 on 15 April 2006  Report this post
Lovely writing Caroline. Great description and contrast between the couple and a wonderful fusty atmosphere, even down to the name of the "Bismark suite"

Great detail,

I went and fetched the cognac, a crystal balloon glass and the meth’s burner. I set the contraption up at the side of their table and lit it. I fiddled with the dial to adjust the flame and poured a measure into the glass.


I enjoyed the distraction in the bedroom (as they say) and that wonderful ending.

Great flash.
Bill

Anj at 22:13 on 15 April 2006  Report this post
Caroline,

I was intrigued all the way through to understand the dynamic between this couple - and yes, the window and the fox were a wonderful distraction - and when the dynamic became clear, wow, that last line told us everything.

Wonderful writing

Andrea

Prospero at 05:29 on 16 April 2006  Report this post
Terrific writing Caroline. You have created three very believable characters for this piece, and beautifully delineated their interactions. Well done.

John



choille at 10:14 on 16 April 2006  Report this post
Cheers Bill,

Thanks for reading and the kind comments. There's a very posh hotel nearish here and they have a Bismark suite, so I ripped the name from there.

Thanks Ang,

For reading and the kind comments.Glad you liked it.


Cheers Prosps,

Thanks for reading and the kind comments. Glad you found the characters believable.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and comment.

All the best
Caroline.



Dreamer at 02:31 on 21 April 2006  Report this post
Hi Caroline,

I'm afraid you flumoxed me here. I was hoping to read some comments that helped me get this but unfortunately they did not come. This piece drew me in and I enjoyed the description, particularly of the brandy. Have you worked as a waitress?

I too was drawn in by their relationship which I thought I understood but there were things that confused me. On the one hand he is controlling. He orders for them both and orders prawns which she obviously doesn't like. But then this, 'She sighed and placed her fork down with a clatter as if bored' made me picture a spoilt woman picking her nails and bored with the fancy dinner wich I don't think is the impression you want.

He then has rare steak brought to the table and I was looking for her reaction to it for another clue but didn't get one.

Then the cheese. Here you lost me. There's flimsy underwear strewn about and the bed has been recently used, so we know her purpose, but the cheese? Is this some strange sex ritual I am not aware of? Or does the mouse and cat have some significance over there I am not aware of, an expression maybe?

Sorry I can't be much help here.

Brian.

choille at 21:37 on 07 May 2006  Report this post
Sorry Brian,
Didn't reply as lost this until now.

Cat & mouse is probably a cultural thingy. A cat toys with a mouse cruely - as you will know: sticks its paw out and dabs away until the mouse doesn't react, as it's so petrified - it's a power thing. The guy had bought her basically & when he gets the waiter to go to the room for the box it's really to show off the evidence of the happenings in the bedroom - underwear discarded, to the much younger, virile, but poorer waiter. The cheese for the mouse - is like bait for his trap/plaything which he is displaying like a trapping of wealth. Does that make sense?

Don't know if you have read any Hemmingway - one of the most fantastic short story writers ever, but if you can get hold of ' The Snows Of Kilimanjaro' do, but if like me you are anti bull fighting - skip them & read Cat In The Rain - Sheer Brilliance. That inspired this poor, weak imitation of a story.

Sorry for responding late, it's been a hectic time.

All the very best Caroline.

Dreamer at 21:44 on 07 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Caroline.

Thanks for that, it is clear now. Part of the problem was that I assumed it was a waitress. Maybe if he could not take his eyes off her, or his pulse quickened when she looked at him or something. Then, especially if the guy noticed the waiter looking at her the showing off the bedroom to him would make much more sense.

Brian.

choille at 22:20 on 07 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Brian,

Here in a posh hotel a waiter ie male, would always serve the alchohol esp the warming of brandy or the opening of champagne. Maybe a female would serve cocktails in the bar. A waiter [male] They would never make eyes at a customer nor customer's guest in theory - a sackable offence.

Please do try and read Hemmingway, you will enjoy it and learn about unspoken mores more than I can say.

Thanks Brian for responding.

Hope all is well in the frozen North - the sun is now beating down on us - about bloody time.

Awra best
caroline.


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