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Flash Fiction #93: Trap

by Cailleachna 

Posted: 14 April 2006
Word Count: 222
Summary: With the ownership of a key comes power. Locks can keep secrets. This week's prompt is the word: locked. Any wordcount up to 850 words. Deadline midnight GMT Saturday 15th April.


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Why sit tight when the answer comes to you? Move, a thing cannot freeze if it is moving. You're afraid of sensation, afraid of being proved wrong. How many dreams will you bury before you face the dawn? What resistance will you offer when the true path lays itself at your feet?

Silence buys you no freedom, fear is not the bricks and mortar you need. Stop walling yourself in with your uncertainty. The issue is your grace, your beauty, all the energy you harbour when you think no one's looking - when secretly you want to shine.

Radiate the wish, your soul will steal it otherwise. It will force you into corners to get what you need, leaving you aching for acknowledgement and cringing like a snake trapped in a jewellery box. Your chains are an illusion; you hold the lock and the key so open it.

Drive out the shadows that say you will never be good, never be right, something is broken, something in you fails. What do they know, are they you? Do they have your eyes, your strength, your will? Underestimate yourself and you are as bad as them, you run the risk of never finding out what you could be.


(Acknowledgement to Clarissa Pinkola Estes for the line: "A thing cannot freeze if it is moving.")






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Comments by other Members



optimist at 20:48 on 14 April 2006  Report this post
Hi Sharon,

"How many dreams will you bury before you face the dawn?"

Very striking line - you might even try it without "you face the" - depending on the effect you want there.

I liked the urgency to this - that sense of someone willing themself on - a kind of internal monologue.

The theme is well established by the quote - keep moving, keep ahead of the fear that holds you back?

I was unnerved by the snake in the jewellery box - probably because I'm terrified of snakes!

Sarah





Prospero at 11:26 on 15 April 2006  Report this post
Very good, Sharon. There is some wonderfully vibrant imagery here.

What resistance will you offer when the true path lays itself at your feet?

Stop walling yourself in with your uncertainty.


Is there any of us who don't do this at sometime or another.

Excellent stuff.

Best

John

Dreamer at 12:31 on 15 April 2006  Report this post
Very nice Sharaon, very poignant.

I could picture this on one of those motivational prints with soem spectacular, suggestive scene in the background. Loved the images.

Brian.

choille at 19:36 on 15 April 2006  Report this post
Hi Sharon,

very motivational and positive narrator which has vivid images and lovely poetic phrases.

Lovely writing.

All the best
Caroline.

crowspark at 20:37 on 15 April 2006  Report this post
Excellent Sharon, I read this out loud, it has a great rhythmn with drive and coviction.

You're afraid of sensation, afraid of being proved wrong. How many dreams will you bury before you face the dawn?


Love that image,

cringing like a snake trapped in a jewellery box


Write on!

Bill

Anj at 22:04 on 15 April 2006  Report this post
Sharon,

Great writing, particularly loved this line -

Drive out the shadows that say you will never be good, never be right, something is broken, something in you fails.


If only.

Andrea

Cholero at 17:04 on 16 April 2006  Report this post
Hi Sharon

Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this. Apart from the message, which has resonance enough, I lke the insistent, gentle tone.

I might just put this on the wall in front of me.

Best

Pete



Cailleachna at 09:49 on 17 April 2006  Report this post
I'm really amazed at all the people this has struck a chord with; I'm really pleased with your comments, all of you.

When I wrote this in poem form it seemed a bit trite and angsty, but reforged into prose it seems to have something in common with the Desiderata, perhaps, or there's another similar piece I like that contains the line: "Who are you to shine? Actually, who are you not to?"

Really glad I took the risk with this one.

Sharon

crowspark at 16:04 on 17 April 2006  Report this post
So are we :)

Bill


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