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Flash Fiction #92: At The Scene

by Cailleachna 

Posted: 07 April 2006
Word Count: 251
Summary: For this week's prompt, I think I'll go for - Light. As few or as many words as you like. My only condition, it's not allowed to contain the word 'bulb'. Deadline next Saturday midnight.


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Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.

I listen carefully, not sure I know what he means. I know the line, but why is he quoting Yoda at a time like this? There’s a shower of sparks as the cutting torch hits the wheel arch, and I shield my own eyes as well as his. The fireman glances at me, apologetically, and I try to smile, but there's no sincerity in it.

Just get him out.

There's a nod, brief and business-like, and the sparks begin again. I feel the pressure on my hand increase, and then begin to lighten. I look around, panicked, for the paramedic, but she's busy with the woman in the other car, the one surrounded by blood and oil. The scene is disconcertingly colourful in the July sun; shiny green car paint, flashing blue lights, the fluorescent jackets on the people wandering around.

I'm not afraid.

I shake my head, throat too swollen to speak. There's nothing to be afraid of, I want to say, we're getting you out of this. What comes out is this:

I'm here.

His eyes drop closed, his fingers slip from mine, and for a moment I can almost see him fade away. I wait until I'm fairly certain there’s no-one there anymore, and then I walk over to the ambulance and tell them. I get back into my car and switch off the siren. I'll radio control in a minute and tell them the accident has become a fatality.







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Comments by other Members



Jumbo at 11:54 on 07 April 2006  Report this post
Sharon

Brilliant!

I really liked this (maybe it's the shadows of my previous career waving to me!!)

I loved the way you had us wrong footed as to the identity of your main character. It was quite a jolt when the revelation came!

And you have really caught the emotion of the scene. Fantastic writing!

All the best

jumbo

crowspark at 11:57 on 07 April 2006  Report this post
Wow! What a great flash.

Loved the opening line which starts funny,

why is he quoting Yoda at a time like this?


Then lifts the whole piece and blends to,

I'm here.

His eyes drop closed, his fingers slip from mine, and for a moment I can almost see him fade away.


And the twist at the end - perfect.

Well done.

Bill



choille at 21:05 on 07 April 2006  Report this post
Hi Sharon,

Marvellous flash.

Really enjoyed the vivid descriptions and the thoughts of the MC. Loved the calmness, almost shock as she thinks and we see through her eyes. And then we realise that she is a professional.

Great twist at the end.
All the best
Caroline.

Prospero at 04:05 on 08 April 2006  Report this post
Beautiful Sharon. Neat, petite and a perfect Flash.

Best

John

Cailleachna at 09:50 on 08 April 2006  Report this post
Thank you very much guys, really glad this flash made an impact. I started working for the police at the beginning of the year, and although my own role is an indoor one, I am constantly amazed by the range of situations that the officers out there have to deal with.

darrenm at 13:29 on 08 April 2006  Report this post
Great stuff, Sharon. A well written twist, but which also made for an enjoyable second read.

Loved the imagery, the flying sparks of the cutting torch, and the scene of the accident:

...the other car, the one surrounded by blood and oil. The scene is disconcertingly colourful in the July sun; shiny green car paint, flashing blue lights, the fluorescent jackets on the people wandering around.


Nice touch:

I shake my head, throat too swollen to speak.


..the cops are human too!

Darren.

Dee at 15:56 on 08 April 2006  Report this post
Lovely flash, Sharon. I like the way you mislead us about the mc, and the way you show the individual emotions in the midst of the activity.

Great ending.

Dee


Anj at 19:00 on 08 April 2006  Report this post
Sharon,

I read this through, like everyone else, misjudging the POV, then had to go back and read it again. That is so cleverly handled! Love the way you use light and colour and convey the emotions of the professional so well.

Wonderful

Andrea

SamMorris at 21:18 on 08 April 2006  Report this post
Hi Sharon,

A very powerful flash. I liked the way what seemed a touch of humour at the start descended into frightening reality. The carnage felt very vivid.

I particularly liked:

The scene is disconcertingly colourful in the July sun


Minor picky point, I stumbled a bit over, ‘I look around, panicked, for the paramedic..'

Thanks for the read

Sam


Katy Kat at 15:04 on 25 April 2006  Report this post
Sharon

Brilliant. The end took me completely by surprise!

Katy Kat


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