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Spider morning
Posted: 02 April 2006
Word Count: 73
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The air outside is pale pale blue today
(I can’t go outside)
the spider in its tracks above my head
can paint the ceiling white
but when it crawls from my eyes
the colours merge
The spider and the air outside
can take away my life
their meanings merge, and I’m outside
they take away the walls
and paint the ceiling blue
the pale pale blue of me
can’t paint the ceiling white
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Comments by other Members
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 Nell at 07:00 on 03 April 2006
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Xenny,
Another beautiful little poem - not sure why I say 'little', I don't mean 'slight', more 'gentle' I think, and there's something rather lovely about reading over, teasing meaning from that second stanza.
...(I can't go outside)... hints at something troubling, as does ...can take away my life... and one is left with the sense that these feelings have been described in a way that allows one to experience them too, if only briefly, through the medium of the spider. Apt, as spiders are quiet, solitary creatures.
The only word I'm unsure of is 'gaze' - it seems a little self-aware in a piece that's converying the narrator's feelings in such an unusual way. I wanted 'eye' or something equally strange, yet you've 'I' in ...(I can't go outside)... so perhaps that's not right.
I like the merging of the inside and outside, then the way the words/meanings become reversed.
A haunting poem Xenny, it'll stay with me all day.
Nell.
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 paul53 [for I am he] at 09:07 on 03 April 2006
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Quite a few years ago now, some artist said that one definition of Art was taking something and making folk look at it afresh - as if seeing it properly for the very first time.
This is what you have done here, in relatively few words and simple language.
Maybe I am just expanding on Nell's use of "haunting", but that is what this is. Strangely alluring and evocative, stretching the mind of the reader.
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Xenny at 11:03 on 03 April 2006
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Thankyou so much both of you, that's really kind.
Nell - the only word I changed after I wrote it was 'eyes' to 'gaze'. How funny! I'll put it back for now.
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 joanie at 12:40 on 03 April 2006
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Hi Xenny. I love the circular feel of this and it's lovely to read aloud.... dream-like. It hangs in the air when it's finished, somehow. (Just realised - no full stop!) Yes, 'haunting' is exactly right.
I enjoyed it.
joanie
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Xenny at 13:33 on 03 April 2006
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Oh - is it normal to put a full-stop?! I'd never thought about it. I've just looked back over mine and seen that some have it and some don't. But looking at other people's the full-stop seems to be there most of the time. I'd really like to get more of a hang of punctuation in general. I'm happy to use it as it suits me, rather than stick by any rigid rules, but I think it's better to have a fuller understanding before one goes doing things one's own way perhaps.
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joanie at 21:11 on 03 April 2006
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Xenny! I think it's personal preference and it depends on the poem. I was just excited when I realised that for me, the poem seemed to hang in mid-air at the end (which was excellent) then I noticed that there wasn't a full stop and that alone added so much to the feel of it. In this case, I think no full stop is exactly right!
Other times, I like to punctuate as if it's prose.
I think no punctuation works well here.
joanie
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