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I want to be..

by Onemile 

Posted: 25 March 2006
Word Count: 82


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I want to be your longest autumn,
And when the life is breaking down,
I see that you are at the bottom,
Just feel my shoulder, itís your town.

I want to draw your lightest smile,
To bring your flight into my heart.
Suppose youíre growing now and while
I will be waiting for your start.

Perhaps your pain is just a bottle,
Until you drink it, donít you run.
I want to be your brightest autumn
Because the winter has begun.







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Comments by other Members



joanie at 19:47 on 26 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Ann, and welcome to WW. I can really feel the sentiments in this.

I think it would be more effective without the capitals at the start of each line. (Did you do this on Word initially?)

I love the opening line, its (almost) repetition and the contrast with your last line.

joanie



Nance at 04:23 on 27 March 2006  Report this post
Thank you, I am so pleased. It'd be more emphatic, indeed.


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