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Travel (with me)

by Esther Frances 

Posted: 13 March 2006
Word Count: 155
Summary: Let absence, distance, circumstance be not a barrier..

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As you slip into the depths
of your inevitable journey
to leave me here
Without you
Stop every now and then
and honour us
Honour you and me
in a way
that is befitting
So that you may
shoehorn me
into your everyday life
Fit me in your pocket
Tap it when you ache
for my touch
Listen for my
strings and drums
And replay
Request my smallish shoulder
under your handsome arm
when dog tiredness
takes its toll on you
Hold my vaguely
memorable hips
Soft and curved
in your warm and thinking hands
Accommodate me
in your silent, empty bed
and spill yourself
into my daytime
even when you sleep
So that when you wake
Startled at your juxtaposition
Like a new star in the galaxy
You can mouth some words
that only I can hear
And you will know
that I am here
and that you
are not alone

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Comments by other Members

joanie at 06:07 on 14 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Esther. Welcome to WW! I love the sentiments in this. Was the relationaship finished by him (presumably a 'him'!) or are they apart because of reasons out of their control? I read 'inevitable' as the latter but 'leave me here' as the former.

Some favourite phrases/images are: 'Shoehorn me/Into your everyday life', 'spill yourself/Into my daytime', 'Accommodate me
In your silent, empty bed'.

I would think about the capitalisation. Do you want a capital at the start of each line? I think it stops the flow.

This would have been a good response to the 'Ghost' exercise which we did in Poetry Seminar recently.

I liked this vey much. Enjoy yourself on here, it's great!


Account Closed at 15:01 on 14 March 2006  Report this post
This is lovely. You write about the male charater in such a way that its easy to visualise him, but in a general enough way that many people wil identify with the description. I think you should spend a little time reading your own work to yourself, and maybe that might alter how it scans and sounds. I hope to read a lot more work from you.

Esther Frances at 13:17 on 16 March 2006  Report this post
Thank you both very much for your constructive comments. Joannie, it is a 'he' indeed and they are apart due to reasons out of their control. The journey was inevitable in the real sense as it was not a journey of choice so that the other person was left behind. Also thanks for your comments on the capitalisation - I think you're absolutely right and have made some changes though I realise still not perfect. J A, I also take on board your comments and I do struggle with the flow - thanks. Esther Frances

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