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Bansang Hospital

by apsara 

Posted: 08 March 2006
Word Count: 51
Summary: Short - not sure if it's sweet but as far as I could get...


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Itís evening. But neither you nor the light go gently,
the sky bloody with the sunís parting,
and you raging at the parts the painkiller does not reach.
You shudder and shapes of pain reach the insect air
and hover there with the mosquitoes,
whose diseased kisses you no longer feel.






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Comments by other Members



paul53 [for I am he] at 07:42 on 08 March 2006  Report this post
Gosh, this is good. I'm quite jealous because whenever there's a time constraint, I usually come up with a humorous ditty rather than anything meaty.
This is an excellent piece, and it's a pity you can't vote for yourself. Shades of Dylan Thomas, but you can also hear the noisy jungle and heat hovering just outside, ready to reclaim civilisation just as the subject of the poem is being unwillingly "reclaimed".

Jekyll&Hyde at 08:45 on 08 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Apsara,

I like! I like! Very gritty.

Wish it were longer, but it's powerful as it is.

Like the painkiller line. Nice one.

S.M.

joanie at 18:01 on 08 March 2006  Report this post
Hi apsara. I don't have time to comment on anything other than my own groups, really, but I thought this was wonderful!!

There are some beautifully explicit phrases: sky bloody with the sunís parting, shapes of pain, hover there with the mosquitoes.

Exquisite.

joanie

<Added>

Oops, I didn't realise that 'shapes of pain' was part of the RLG. All the better, really!

ccatherine at 19:19 on 08 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Aspara

I really like this and have read it over and over.

The opening image of the passing day and passing life is beautiful. The soft 'g' sound suggests a sort of release and a 'gentle' release at that.

You incorporate the rlg perfectly.

Love it.

Cathy

Elsie at 10:00 on 12 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Apsara - very evocative, lovely. Too many lovely lnes to say, first two especially, and last. All good, in fact.


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