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by mon 

Posted: 04 March 2006
Word Count: 167
Summary: Dreams

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Dreams float listlessly,
Passion relentless
Leads them to linger over the preposterous
Syndrome that is
Our love.
I wish I could let go of past
Incidents and accidents,
Things of no importance except
When it comes back in the form of a nightmare rather,
Desperate, lonely, and categorically unredeemable,
Seeping within oneís soul,
With no other hope but to have
To assimilate
The outcome.
When you can foresee the future,
All the dreams seem so obscurely present in your life.
When you get to the stage,
When you prey God the night before
That He should not let you dream of things
You donít want to know about,
Then you are doomed,
In the hands of the fateful outcome of your dreams,
No shelter.
No security.
Just the fearful certainty that
Somewhere along the line of your future,
A dream like the ones you dread will surface your spirit
And haunt you through the dawn,
Like a terrible wave following indomitable ocean
Till it dies ashore.

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Comments by other Members

old friend at 05:28 on 06 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Mon,

You asked me to have a look at your Poetry. I did state that I cannot write Poetry... to me it is too difficult, too demanding. However I had a read of your DREAMS.

I am sure you mean 'pray' and not 'prey'.

I did like the strong emotions and the creative thinking that had gone into this, but I felt that the writing was presented, almost shaped or crammed, into a poetic structure rather than flowing freely and naturally (of itself) to take on the mantle of a poem.

Sorry that I'm not more helpful but I guess you can say that as my own poetry would be sadly lacking, so are my comments.

Having said that - I did enjoy it.


mon at 12:29 on 06 March 2006  Report this post
Thank you for the comment, and yes, I did mean "pray."
I see your point.
I am not a poet by trade, nor will I ever be, but I do use poetry as a writing excercise, especially helpful if I want to learn new words, and strenghten my dramatic abilities.
I am writing a short story that has now reached 8,000 + words, and I am worried about how to slim it, writing poetry makes you structure things in a more concise way, that is why it probably feels so structured.
I don't know really, I think I'm just talking a lot of bullocks.
Thanks again,

Jekyll&Hyde at 10:05 on 07 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Mon,

I love the way you structure your poems. Very fresh.

Powerful, and dare I say, perfect.

Looking forward to more.


mon at 12:20 on 07 March 2006  Report this post
Keep cheering me up.
I did something really outrageous yesterday. I submitted a piece of my short story to an agent for the first time in my life.
I am a reck.
I would normally not do this kind of thing, but something just temporarily possessed me on the way to the supermarket.....



Jekyll&Hyde at 13:23 on 07 March 2006  Report this post
Wicked, Mon! That's brilliant. Keep it up, and it can only lead to success.

We should all do something outrageous, at least once a month, to remind ourselves that we are still alive, and the rest are half-asleep.


mon at 14:01 on 07 March 2006  Report this post
that is always my problem,....just when I think I am about to roll up in a ball and expire,......something gets the best of me, and it's outrageous mon all over..;)

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