 Nell at 19:21 on 03 March 2006
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Hi joanie, a simple yet rather beautiful response. Could the title tell us a little less? Just enough to confirm that the poem is about a ghost once we come to that last line. See what you think.
Nell.
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 joanie at 19:29 on 03 March 2006
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Thanks, Nell. You're right. I'm trying 'Shadow', but it could well change!
joanie
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Nell at 21:17 on 03 March 2006
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Joanie, better, the only thing is that you have 'shadow' at the end. How about 'Shade'? Its alternative meaning is 'ghost', although it's not used so much these days.
Nell.
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 Xenny at 23:09 on 03 March 2006
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It's a lovely poem. I only realised afterwards that it was a response to the exercise. It's just right.
Xenny
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Mac AM at 06:39 on 04 March 2006
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Joanie, this poem lingers on the mind, just like its subject. The phrasing is lovely and the butterfly kiss and stirring are so delicate that it really works very well.
Mac
<Added>
Forgot, the ending is perfect. I love that you were happy and confident to leave it there and not go any further and spoil the lightness of being (excuse the pun).
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joanie at 08:03 on 04 March 2006
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Nell, Xenny and Mac, many thanks! Thanks for the title, Nell. I think that's right now.
joanie
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DJC at 21:06 on 04 March 2006
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Yes, a really lovely response. I particulary like the last line - very poignant.
Darren
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Shika at 22:34 on 04 March 2006
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This is the sort of thing I want to be true of ghosts - that they are there but not too frightening. I like the story in this poem, it's very clear and true.S
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Jekyll&Hyde at 10:10 on 07 March 2006
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Hi Joanie,
Really enjoyed the pace of this poem.
The third stanza is my favourite. I think you've captured a beatiful feeling with that.
But then I like the fourth stanza, too!
Very cool piece of poetry that has a nice dynamic quality to it.
S.M.
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DJC at 09:44 on 08 March 2006
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Joanie - the only line I'm less keen on is the penultimate one. I think you could get rid of it entirely:
a shadow on the window
and you knew.
D.
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Nell at 12:15 on 08 March 2006
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Darren, maybe I'm wrong, but I read that to mean that the living person is catching glimpses of the ghost they'll become.
Nell.
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DJC at 13:39 on 08 March 2006
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Nell - no, I read it as the ghost being within the sould of the 'you'. Joanie - where are you?
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Nell at 14:16 on 08 March 2006
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Darren, so did I, but I understood them to be aspects of the same person, one alive now, the other her own ghost haunting her from the future.
Joanie's busy doing reports!
Nell.
<Added>
Maybe I'm just too much in love with the second person. It's useful for distancing the narrator from what's happening in the poem, a sort of internal dialogue with self, and that's mostly the way I use it, so I often expect others to do the same.
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joanie at 15:50 on 08 March 2006
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Sorry, you two! Yes, I am still bogged down with proof-reading 160 full reports (of at least 15 different subjects each) then adding my own as Head of Year - it has taken ages and I have now done just over half. I aim to do another substantial chunk this evening.
Nell, you're right! I saw it as very interwined; present and future, here and wherever else! I had the idea that although the two may seem miles apart, they are as near as that butterfly kiss, and occasionally we get a glimpse of something as yet unknown.
I think!
Thanks for all your interest; it was quite unexpected!
Now I must comment on the others. I have been neglecting you. Apologies!
joanie
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ashlinn at 21:28 on 09 March 2006
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Joanie,
This is a beautiful poem (if the opinion of a philistine means anything). I loved it. It made me feel sad and yet positive for the two of them.
Thank you.
Ashlinn
<Added>
Actually, Nell, I found the use of the 2nd person in this particular case very intimate rather than 'distancing', as if the lines of distinction between the 'you' and 'I' were blurred.
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joanie at 21:37 on 10 March 2006
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Sorry, Ashlinn, I only just saw your response! Thank you!
joanie
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