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by Flora Gael 

Posted: 02 March 2006
Word Count: 43

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The sea is on fire.

The night is bone-white

and you sing like a cemetery,

your voice stained with dirt and death.

The flames have thawed.

The day is blood-red

and you pray like an piano

your chants filled with dreams of death.

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Comments by other Members

Flora Gael at 17:34 on 02 March 2006  Report this post
I made an error, and it won't allow me to edit, as I am not a full member.

Anyway, the error, of course, is "an piano." Naturally it should be "a piano."

Constructive comments welcomed and eagerly desired!


RS at 22:12 on 03 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Flora - Robert here - I am intrigued by this poem even as I don't completely understand it - it would work better I think as a surrealistic piece of work, as the odd juxtapositions and associations are dream-like in nature - I really like the lines "voice stained with dirt and death" and the paradoxical ideas of the sea on fire and the flames thawing are intriguing - also I enjoy the parallel structures (sing like cemetery/pray like piano, etc.) and I like the idea, again paradoxical, of the white night and red day - the only thing I might change is the last line because piano and dreams of death don't fit - but then that's probably the point and perhaps I'm missing something.

Otherwise, nice effort - it makes me see things in a new persepctive - in a way it was startling to read it - and again, I'm intrigued by the possibilities the naturalistic/surrealistic imagery offers.

Best, Robert

Jekyll&Hyde at 09:06 on 07 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Flora Gael,

Love how you've used colours in this as the primary force.

Experimental? - I don't know, it seemed very assured for me. But maybe that's the point. I've not really read any experimental writing before, but if it's all as enjoyable as this; I'll have to read more.

Excellent piece.


Kara at 11:25 on 09 June 2008  Report this post
some lovely lines, I wish you'd given it a title! all the best Kara- just noticed the date. where are you now?

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