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Butterfly Blues

by LiverbirdLou 

Posted: 19 August 2003
Word Count: 91
Summary: Written in the middle of the night last year when it was too hot to sleep! :o)


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Butterfly, butterfly where do you go
Iíve seen you before in dreams of old,
Capturing, holding feelings so true
Loving every moment that I share with you.

Searching, looking, wandering for you
Deep in the mist of this night so blue,
Stars that twinkle before us so bright
Holding on to this love with all my might.

So butterfly, butterfly come out to play
I know that you are hurting and inside you are sad,
But in my heart youíll endlessly stay
Iíll love you for always, forever and a day.






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Comments by other Members



olebut at 22:52 on 19 August 2003  Report this post
Lou

I have read this several times and overall I like the images it potrays and many of the phrases you use but I feel there is something which isnt quite right and I cant quite put my finger on it it is probably the rhythm in lines one and two and lines 9 and 10.

in line 4 it may work better if you replaced 'every' with 'the' and made moment moments.

in line 8 aand 12 again you loose the metre a little


take care david


Bonkers at 17:37 on 16 September 2003  Report this post
Lou,
I think this is beautiful :o)
MJ.

LiverbirdLou at 18:04 on 16 September 2003  Report this post
Bonkers,

Thank you! You are not the same Bonkers that is in Mitzy Motsy Moo are you??? <g> I suspect you are!!! <g>

Lou
xxx
:o)


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