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Dedication vegetation
Posted: 25 February 2006
Word Count: 145
Summary: I am definitely going to take stock soon!! Suggestions for a title, please!
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I vegetate beneath a mound of work
which promises to take my life away.
I wonder if I値l always be a jerk?
I know that very soon I'll go berserk
if I don't get a grip. But come what may
I vegetate! Beneath a mound of work
my intellectual instincts, fawning, lurk.
I want to throw away my pride and play!
I値l risk the bet I値l always be a jerk.
The last thing I would ever do is shirk
responsibilities, so with dismay
I vegetate beneath a mound of work.
While colleagues look away and hide a smirk
I keep my head down, honour and obey.
They pity me for being such a jerk.
I値l look upon it as a well-earned perk
if I can leave at 5 o団lock today!
I vegetate beneath a mound of work;
I wonder if I値l always be a jerk?
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Comments by other Members
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 Nell at 17:13 on 25 February 2006
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Joanie - I think the title's great! Love the rebellious exuberance popping up from under the narrator's innate sense of responsibility - this really struck a chord with me. No jerk though, and one feels that there's a chance she'll bite those others if pushed too far!
I enjoyed this muchly, especially the enjambment in the 2nd/3rd stanzas.
NB - You've a 'vegetate' with an 'i' in the second stanza.
A great response to the exercise - what next I wonder? Suggestions welcome!
Nell.
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 joanie at 17:47 on 25 February 2006
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Oh, Nell, thanks for the correction; I hadn't seen it! I'm glad it sruck a chord. I have to say that in something like this (the form, I mean), I find that the pleasure is in the slight changes, like the enjambement and the change of the repeated line. Yes, more exercises, please.
Thanks, Jago. I hope it does 'resonate with many'. That would be my aim, I think!
joanie
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 paul53 [for I am he] at 18:26 on 25 February 2006
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I loved the regular rhythm of this - like a gently-rocking train drawing me away from those extra responsibilities I've recently taken on. Maybe I'm a jerk as well, but when push comes to shove, everyone else seems to disappear. Maybe I don't reteat fast enough ...
What I like best about your work is that there is also a spark within it - like a small piece at play [and thoroughly enjoying herself] behind the professional exterior; even when bemoaning her lot.
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joanie at 18:32 on 25 February 2006
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Great response, Paul - very perceptive!!
joanie
PS - I still get a real buzz from somebody refering to what I do in my spare time as 'my work' - Mmmm.... brilliant!
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DJC at 06:38 on 26 February 2006
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Joanie - this works really well as you capture the dull repetitiveness within the villanelle. An excellent idea!
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Xenny at 18:33 on 26 February 2006
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Hey Joanie
I really like it, even though I don't like the word 'jerk' (sorry!). It does work very well. I especially like the freeness of the line 'I want to throw away my pride and play!', which seems to half burst through there in the middle. Do it, do it! ;)
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joanie at 18:39 on 26 February 2006
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Xenny, I agree with you unreservedly! I don't much like the word 'jerk' either! Thanks for commenting.
joanie
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Paul Isthmus at 11:05 on 27 February 2006
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Jerk's better than berk though.
I like this, but the word jerk grates with me, and as it's repeated it's a very important word!
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Mac AM at 13:29 on 27 February 2006
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Hello Joanie, I really enjoyed your poem. How the refrain lines in this poem work to enforce the relentlessness of workload and how when you get into a routine, it is hard to break.
You may have taken your time, but you have produced a great poem. Well done Joanie.
Mac
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Okkervil at 22:48 on 27 February 2006
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Heheh, awesome Joanie! The way it tumbles, at once quite pacy but also elbows-out-clunky like a secretarial stopmotion-clockwork-frankenstein's-monster entertained me muchly. Didn't initially like the 'jerk,' but it warmed to me as you doggedly rhymed the 'urk.' Like also the self concious exclamation mark in 'I vegetate!'
See yeh!
James
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joanie at 09:01 on 28 February 2006
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Thanks, James. Great to see you - I was missing your brilliant responses (and work, too, of course!) So are we going to get to know where you are at university? - I saw your reponse elsewhere where you mentioned it.
joanie
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Shika at 12:47 on 28 February 2006
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Hi Joanie
I just got to this. Poor you! I have to agree with Xenny though, there was something very poignant about 'throw away my pride and play'. Isn't that what you do on WW? Good poem. S
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