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Lying Fallow

by joanie 

Posted: 23 February 2006
Word Count: 98
Summary: First and Last exercise in Poetry Seminar


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He tries his best but has no stars.
In Miss Carruthers' class you learn
to do real writing. Slant one way
is all important. Be neat
is the mantra which frustrates
the dedicated parent. Content pales
into the indifference which
permeates every day. The temptation
to feel sick and stay at home
with Grandma is his sister's.

Stars are given only for neatness.

He emigrates, if only temporarily,
and finds that jobs are for the elite,
those who have the card. The neat?
He slants one way, he's always there,
he tries his best but has no stars.








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Comments by other Members



Nell at 07:25 on 24 February 2006  Report this post
Hi joanie, this must be quickest response to an exercise ever! Shades of the mirror here too. That first line, the child's feeling of inadequacy, seems even more poignant when applied to the man. Funny, I wasn't short of stars at school yet that exact feeling rose in all its emptiness as I read this.

Nell.

paul53 [for I am he] at 08:04 on 24 February 2006  Report this post
Actually, there's an acute insight into modern society's mores here. Neatness is all, while
Content pales
into the indifference which
permeates every day
. I remember when I was a teenager, a couple of nuns who didn't like the look of peace-loving Hippies but admired the "beat-someone-up-for-looking-at-them" Skinheads because "they're always so well dressed".
Excellent.

Shika at 09:34 on 24 February 2006  Report this post
Great commentary on some values here, especially from someone who teaches. S

joanie at 14:38 on 24 February 2006  Report this post
Nell, Paul, Shika - many thanks!

joanie

Xenny at 16:49 on 24 February 2006  Report this post
I really like the way it moves from the boy to the man - I think that works ever-so well and says a lot. The second-last line is my favourite for some reason. Just something about it I like.

Elsie at 19:09 on 24 February 2006  Report this post
Very poignant, I love the first and last lines, and the middle - stars are only given for neatness. It sounds like you know the person.

joanie at 15:06 on 25 February 2006  Report this post
Elsie, thank you. I do! (With just a bit of poetic licence!)

joanie


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