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by Margrethe 

Posted: 17 August 2003
Word Count: 60
Summary: My first one was sad (prison), my second more glad (vacation) - and this one.......? Very happy for any comment - wandering if it is s bit to bold...

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The sound of your voice -
a sudden thought -

even the faintest memory
sends my mind spinning
into a shameless fantasy -

soft kisses
nipples rising

firm hands
hips shivering

dancing tounges
loins craving

solid manhood
wet desire
bodies racing
souls yearning -

for that final union.

Come -
make me yours -
if only for a moment

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Comments by other Members

roger at 20:41 on 17 August 2003  Report this post
Right Marg,

We've had sad, we've had happy, now we've got erotic, and no, it's not too bold, you've told it how it is (and very well to) and there's no point in telling it any other way. You're pretty good at thos poetry stuff, aren't you.

llydstp at 13:55 on 19 September 2003  Report this post

There's nothing wrong with a bit of eroticism, although people do seem reluctant to comment on such things.
Yours is excellent, it makes your nipples rise just reading it, and I'm a man!
Just two things: I don't understand the inconsistency of your use of capitals; and do you mean thought not 'though'in line 2?

Best wishes,

Margrethe at 11:59 on 20 September 2003  Report this post
Hi Steve

Than you so much for your comments :-) I did mean thought in the second line. I also changed the placements of capitals, as they were not place like they were deliberately. No wonder it did not make much sence. Hope iut ia all a bit better now :-)

Thanks again

Account Closed at 10:52 on 30 September 2003  Report this post
Good to see other poets are brave enough to post erotic pieces. Like you, I was uncertain about posting them on such a "public" place, but I posted something some weeks ago, and was pleased to get acceptance, as you have done.

I was encouraged to do that by someone else's posting. I went to look at their poem, and the moderator had put an intermediate 'warning' window saying something like erotic/adult, and I had to click 'yes' to reach the poem. It was no 'hotter' than yours or mine, so I reasoned that the moderator could always do that to my piece, so off I went!

But back to the plot ... I'm a big fan of economical use of words, and your 2-word lines are a fine example.

Steve (another Steve!)

Fearless at 10:58 on 30 September 2003  Report this post
I liked this. It reminded me of Octavio Paz and Paul Eluard.


The Walrus at 11:56 on 30 September 2003  Report this post
Fabulous! Simple, direct, honest and very beautiful. Really jumped out of the page at me.

The Walrus

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