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Her Dream

by Jubbly 

Posted: 02 February 2006
Word Count: 348
Summary: Week 83 challenge.


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Her Dream

Ever since Tania could remember she’d wanted to be a film star. Her dream began years ago whilst sipping sweet tea and nibbling dunked biscuits in her Nan’s front room. She watched spellbound as glamorous starlets in satin gowns swept across the tiny screen. She admired they way they lit up long cigarettes in gloomy alleyways and fell into the arms of tall dark strangers, kissing passionately, their perfect painted lips never smudging under pressure.

“Why is there no colour Nan?” little Tania would enquire.

“Oh back in them days love there was no colour, we didn’t get colour till after the war.”

“Really?” she’d gasp.

“That’s right Tan, the whole world was in black and white, imagine that eh?” she winked. “Tut, tut, you silly goose, you’d believe anything wouldn’t you?”

And she would. Tania believed in movie stars and Hollywood and autographs and darkened cinemas where anything could happen.

Years passed and Tania grew up, her Nan passed away and Tania had a baby girl of her own. She still had her dreams though, she’d taken acting classes and kept herself fit at the gym, and as she’d often been told she bore a resemblance to Audrey Hepburn, she’d even signed with a look-alike agency calling herself ‘Tiffany.’

“One day I’ll be famous," Tania would say mantra like to her little girl, “You’ll see, one day mummy will be a film star on the telly and we’ll live in a big mansion with a swimming pool inside and out.”

Then she’d pull little Katy close and smother her in mummy love and desperate promises.

And now here she was, her hair styled and makeup done, her costume tight but extremely flattering, the lights hot on her back and her lines word perfect. The director nodded pleased with what he saw.

“Right, Phil you put your cock back in her mouth and Pete you take her from behind, right action.

INT. HOTEL JACUZZI. NIGHT

A close up on girl’s face reveals a terrible sadness that contrasts violently with the act of making love.

THE END.






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Comments by other Members



Nik Perring at 13:04 on 02 February 2006  Report this post
This is brilliant, Jubbers. I didn't see that twist coming! ;)

Very sad though when you think about it, though isn't it? Especially when she's got a daughter.

Nice work, again.

Nik.

Prospero at 13:33 on 02 February 2006  Report this post
Hi Julie

This a powerful line

a terrible sadness that contrasts violently with the act of making love.


This of course not love making but faux sex, the word violently perfectly captures the idea.

As sad but vivid little tale which captures the unpleasant reality of our dreams becoming nightmares.

Best

John


DP at 15:19 on 02 February 2006  Report this post
As Nik and John have said, this is a brilliant and powerful piece.

You've managed to give your MC a history, a dream, repsonsibility and a stark reality in few words.

DP

crowspark at 20:54 on 02 February 2006  Report this post
I really like this Julie. Loved the way we see Tania's dream being born, how she shares it with her own daughter and then the tawdry realisation.

I liked the title and that opening paragraph works well. The focus on painted lips at the beginning with the idealised description contrasts well with, "Right, Phil you put your cock back in her mouth"

Loved,

A close up on girl’s face reveals a terrible sadness that contrasts violently with the act of making love.


Bill




Dreamer at 00:18 on 03 February 2006  Report this post
Hi Julie,

I liked the way you contrasted the young girl's ideal of romanticism, the woman fallig into the arms of a tall dark stranger, with the final situation in which she finds herself. Sda but often tto true I think.

Brian.

darrenm at 15:44 on 03 February 2006  Report this post
Hi Julie,

Sentimental and tragic. Loved that the girl believed the whole world was black-and-white, very nostalgic. It's sad what people will do to themselves just to realise their dream, and very common especially in LA.

I loved this:

She admired the(y) way they lit up long cigarettes in gloomy alleyways and fell into the arms of tall dark strangers, kissing passionately, their perfect painted lips never smudging under pressure.


..paints a perfect picture of a Hollywood classic.

I think I got what was coming a micro-second before the line where the director speaks, the bluntness of the dialogue you use for him contrasts so well (violently) with the earlier prose, that we get a real sense of the tragedy being played out here.

Darren.

Jumbo at 23:17 on 03 February 2006  Report this post
Julie

This is so sad!

I loved the way you took us from Tania's childhood with her Nan (a great character with such a sense of humour- and so beautifully written) to the reverse where Tania is the 'guardian' with her own child.

And that dream that she can't ever quite shake off.

Then you fool us by almost telling us that she has made it - only to slap us in the face with that final terrible image of degredation!

(There are a couple of typos along the way but I'm sure you'll spot them as you go through it again.)

Wonderful writing. Powerful stuff!!

All the best

jumbo

Jubbly at 13:48 on 04 February 2006  Report this post
Thanks everyone for your comments on this, glad you liked it. It was inspired by a documentary I saw on chanel 4 a few years ago, which left me feeling very sordid.

J
x

choille at 23:27 on 04 February 2006  Report this post
Yes this is very shocking and real.
Think I saw the same documentary with the big blubbery fat bloke and oh it was odious to watch which I did & as you felt violated after it ended.

I am probably alone in thinking that this line should maybe be the ending

“Right, Phil you put your cock back in her mouth and Pete you take her from behind, right action."

as the making love bit really jarred with me.

A very shocking sobering piece.

Caroline



Dreamer at 00:22 on 05 February 2006  Report this post
Actually I agree with you Caroline about where to end it. The last line is a little too much tell in a way and this way the reader draws their own conclusions a bit more.

Brian.

Cholero at 00:37 on 05 February 2006  Report this post
Hi Julie

I thought this was well done, especially the twist into script-ese at the end which makes the impact of what she's doing all the more bald and cold. It's a shock of an ending, unexpected and sharply delivered

I like how you built up a loving female generation on each side of her so that any way she looks she's letting somebody down, including herself.

I like the layers of meaning in 'THE END'

I guess it's about the power of dreams.

Lovely stuff.

Pete



Bianca at 06:21 on 05 February 2006  Report this post
Hi Julie

What a sad tale with a shocking ending.

All the signs throughout showed a happy upbringing - perhaps a world where there was nothing sordid or too frightening. The MC truly believed that her aspirations would come true - why should they not?

I prefer the line "A close up ...." staying in - and "The End" says it all.

Brilliant.

Shirley

optimist at 09:47 on 05 February 2006  Report this post
Hi Jubbly,

I'd like to second DP's comment!

Also agree with Bill - I really liked the use of "violently" and especially "making love" because it is such a million miles away from what is going on.

Think you captured the dream, the degredation and the despair perfectly.

Beautiful writing!

I first read this a couple of days back - I like the addition of the script intro very much - INT etc.

Sarah




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