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Waterfall
Posted: 15 August 2003
Word Count: 73
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Glittering shimmering cascade
beachward bound you pass,
gorse and scrub and algae
on gravity driven path.
Sunlit droplets glisten
myriad rainbows form,
seagulls sate itchy thirst
inhaling breath of dawn.
Midst roar of sea and squawk of gulls
chime a million tinkling bells,
announcing forth your presence
longside the tideline swells,
to join as one, hand in hand
the spa of life from the earthy ground,
with she, the tempestuous, untameable salty sea.
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 Ellenna at 09:32 on 15 August 2003
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Pene, I really like this..evocative of places I have been where freshwater joins the sea..early in the morning..lovely descriptions I can hear the tinkling water..
Ellie :)
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peterxbrown at 01:05 on 16 August 2003
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I quite agree. I love the use of half rhyme and the very strong rythm. The build up to the final longer line is both novel and effective.You are a true wordsmith Penelope.
<Added>
Very creative.
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LONGJON at 10:19 on 16 August 2003
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Hi Pene,
You know, you've described the backdrop of many beaches in New Zealand. The sand / clay cliffs often have runnels of water joining to a cascade, down and across the rocks. The gulls and other seabirds often are seen drinking in the pools at the foot of them.
I love the phrase "inhaling the breath of dawn", its the essence of an early morning walk along a beach (wish I'd thought of it!). I'm uncertain about "the earthy ground," I think I understand what you are meaning, and the place of emphasis here. It seems to be saying the same thing twice. May I suggest some caution with describing the sea as salty?
Keep right on posting, always a pleasure to read.
Take care
John P.
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Lisa at 00:16 on 25 August 2003
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The words and the patterns and the images in this swell with the tide... gorgeous.
I really enjoy reading your work, Pene. Thanks again.
Lisa
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paul53 [for I am he] at 16:25 on 03 March 2005
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An excellent piece found late in Random Read. If you could find another seabird type to replace the "seagulls" that sate, then it would not jar with "gulls" 2 lines later, and be a near perfect piece.
The last line hints that the poem is about something else entirely.
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