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Muse

by Cailleachna 

Posted: 28 January 2006
Word Count: 499
Summary: Flash fiction - not for any challenge, just my first piece.


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The room was smoky, but she could see him quite clearly. She was close to the stage, just to the left of the speaker, and the music was almost distorted. The notes he was playing filtered through to her, high and clear over the bass guitar and the drums. Her chin rested in her hand, propped up on the edge of the table. She was riveted, her eyes fixed on his fingers as he reached for the strings.

Could he tell she was watching him so intently? The stage lights would be in his eyes, but surely he would be able to feel her gaze burning into him? He flicked a smile in the direction of the blonde, lithe groupies standing behind her - he could certainly see them.

As the song drew to a close, she applauded with everyone else then fell silent as he launched into a solo. She could feel every note, the low ones vibrating in her chest, the higher ones singing in her head. He was looking down at the guitar, concentrating fixedly on what he was playing.

Suddenly he glanced upwards, and for the barest of seconds their eyes seemed to lock. She turned away quickly, feeling her heart thump at the base of her throat.

Oh God, he saw me...It took a moment before she was able to reassure herself that he saw no such thing, the lights were probably shining directly into his eyes, not to mention the difficulty he would have seeing through the smoke. She let her gaze drift back to the stage, a little more surreptitious in her appraisal now.

She was too old for him; he was barely out of high school. He was slender and slightly awkward, as if he wasn't accustomed to his height yet. His gaze had dropped to the strings again, and his dark, curly fringe hung forwards, obscuring his features. That didn't matter too much; it was once again his hands that her eyes were drawn to. They were slim, with long fingers, but less delicate than they seemed. Even from this distance she could see the pressure he exerted on the strings - his fingertips must be fairly calloused, otherwise he'd cut them to shreds.

The solo was peaking; they'd be breaking for interval soon. She slipped off her chair and went to the bar to get another drink.

Never fall in love with a musician... She laughed quietly to herself as the line from a movie she'd seen once suddenly popped into her head. The idea was absurd; fall in love? She didn't even know his name, but somehow the concept seemed quite possible. Idolise, maybe; it couldn't be called love in the lexicon she was used to, but she'd seen it happen.

He was standing by the bar. Only one way to find out, really. She reached out and tapped him on the shoulder.

"What are you having?"

He smiled at her, nodding slightly, and the music never stopped.






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Comments by other Members



DP at 19:40 on 29 January 2006  Report this post
Hello Sharon,

This is nice piece, and a great scene. I think gigs of all types are full of stories, and musicians\singers can be great characters in particular.

Some nice details came through:

Even from this distance she could see the pressure he exerted on the strings


I was a little confused at the end of the piece:

The solo was peaking


and the next moment

He was standing by the bar.


Given the mention of applause at the end of a song earlier in the piece, I thought there might have been mention of it at the end of this one - at least to give him a minute to get to the bar!

I look forward to seeing more.

DP



crowspark at 20:44 on 29 January 2006  Report this post
Hello Cai

That is some flash. A simple story with a good ending.

He smiled at her, nodding slightly, and the music never stopped.


That seems to take us back to his performance, back into the story.

She could feel every note, the low ones vibrating in her chest, the higher ones singing in her head.


Some great detail also,

She was too old for him; he was barely out of high school. He was slender and slightly awkward, as if he wasn't accustomed to his height yet.


Great debut with an excellent flash.

Bill

Dee at 20:53 on 29 January 2006  Report this post
Cai, this put me in mind of Killing Me Softly.

I like it. Yes, there’s a bit of a continuity slip – he’s still playing, she goes to the bar, he’s there – but you can sort that out easily enough.

Lovely use of words.

Dee


Jumbo at 22:05 on 29 January 2006  Report this post
Nice writing, Sharon

(... and Dee, you've just stolen my opening line! I had the exact same thought about the exact same song!!)

Sharon, I loved the build up - the feeling that it wasn't going to happen: all those reasons why!!

And then that great last line!

Really enjoyed this - and, btw, welcome to WW and the flash fiction group! Enjoy!!

jumbo

Prospero at 10:10 on 30 January 2006  Report this post
Awesome! If you are this good with your first piece what are you going to be like when you have had a chance to practice.

Others have pointed out the continuity blooper, so I won't mention it... :)

The stage lights in his eyes, twice! I would have liked something different the second time. I know you worded it differently but something else to convey the idea.

Oh, all right, you've spotted it, I am going out of my way to be picky. Truth is I'm as jealous as Hell!

Prosp





Cholero at 11:00 on 30 January 2006  Report this post
Hi Sharon

Nice flash, the last line lives on into forever which is lovely, great mood, great capturing of that feeling of having a crush.

Just... flashfabulous

Pete

Cailleachna at 18:37 on 30 January 2006  Report this post
Thanks guys, your remarks have left me with a lovely warm fuzzy feeling...!

I agree completely with the continuity thing; originally I had an extra paragraph of her meandering thought process in there but when I cut it I forget to check the lead-in and lead-out happenings!

And the use of the lights twice - thanks for pointing that out, I may address that in a future re-write...

It really is incredibly useful having other viewpoints on one's work...thank you again.

Cai

optimist at 17:32 on 31 January 2006  Report this post
Hi Sharon,

Nothing to add really except I enjoyed reading this and the scene came over clearly and the romance.

Look forward to reading more of your work,

Sarah


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