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Sleeping
Posted: 26 January 2006
Word Count: 50
Summary: This is my last posting, :) today is my last day on WriteWords after 2 years...
Thanks to all xx
Related Works: Running On Empty •
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Don't bore me with your silence
Don't try to free me with your words
For everything you once told me
Is still neatly
engraved.
And if you fed me hate
As a million looked on
Well, you're going to have to deal with that
And the fact that
I'm gone.
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Comments by other Members
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 joanie at 17:20 on 26 January 2006
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Oh, Border, these are always really sad; I hope you've enjoyed your time on WW. What can I say? As soon as read this, I looked at your profile and your 'posts' and realised that you had commented on one of mine and I didn't know! I was on holiday at the time you responded. I do always try to acknowledge any responses. A belated 'thanks'!
This poem isn't your experience of your time here, is it? I hope not. Had this been written at any other time I would have thought nothing of it, but when it's prefaced with 'today is my last day on WriteWords after 2 years... Thanks to all', I feel dreadful.
I think the poem is good; I like the short, sharp ending and two opening lines.
I wouldn't have a capital at the start of each line, but that's my personal preference.
I am also due to renew my membership after two years - I have 13 days to go!! I shall be re-joining because I just can't live without it. I find the support, the help, the expertise, the camaraderie (that word took some thinking about, but I think it's right) are totally invaluable.
Sorry to see you go.
joanie
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 BorderBound at 20:22 on 26 January 2006
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:) thanks - but no no i've had an amazing time here at WW
I have however, found that I am just much better at writings songs - and have got quite a few deals in it - so will have even less time here.. :(
oohhh this may be my last post time running out!
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Account Closed at 10:31 on 28 January 2006
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Wonderful poem - very strong and bitter. I love it. I agree that you shouldn't use beginning caps - let the piece flow as it does, and what about a break in the middle for the reader to catch their breath and wait for the big finish. Or maybe two breaks? Such as:
Don't bore me with your silence,
don't try to free me with your words
for everything you once told me
is still neatly
engraved.
And if you fed me hate
as a million looked on,
well, you're going to have to deal with that
and the fact that
I'm gone.
Sorry you won't be hear for much longer, and good luck with the song-writing ...
LoL
A
xxx
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shinykate at 20:44 on 01 February 2006
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Hi, Gal
Hoping you can still view the comments... Best of luck with those songs.
ShinyK
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