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Mud bath
Posted: 10 January 2006
Word Count: 22
Summary: What a miserable day to be out on a wind-swept playing field!
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Running out;
enthusiastic rugby shirts
flapping their way
to the pitch.
Dawdling back;
battle-weary warriors
wondering where kit stops
and boy begins.
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Comments by other Members
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 smudger at 12:28 on 10 January 2006
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Hi Joanie,
Oh, how evocative of school sports days. It really took me back. I especially liked the line.
Just one point on word choice: would 'Trudging' work better than , given that they are ?
Best
smudger
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 joanie at 13:31 on 10 January 2006
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Thanks, smudger. I know what you mean about 'trudging', but I was wanting to indicate that they are being as slow as possibe because they want to waste time getting to the next lesson. I'll have a think about it.
Thanks for reading!
joanie
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Beanie Baby at 21:02 on 10 January 2006
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This is soooo sweet, joanie. Reminded me of my ten year old grandson who plays football on Saturdays and trains at Rushton & Diamonds in Peterborough! Also reminded me of me a bit - something of a tomboy, I was never happy as a kid unless I was filthy dirty! Thanks for sharing. Loved it.
Beanie.
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joanie at 22:11 on 11 January 2006
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Beanie, Nik and tc... many thanks! Glad it struck a chord.
joanie
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Barlow at 12:34 on 14 January 2006
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Hi Joanie,
This immediately evoked a clear picture and I particularly loved the first stanza where the shirts are described as enthusiastic, seeming to have a life of their own as there is no mention of who is wearing them!
Re sauntering: I have just checked in the dictionary and it says it is a lighthearted or leisurely way of walking, so I wondered whether either "crawling" or "dawdling" would be a possible alternative, to contrast with the "running" of the first line?
Just a thought...but take no notice if I'm missing the point!
Best wishes,
Barlow
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joanie at 08:26 on 15 January 2006
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Thanks, Barlow. Yes, I think dawdling would fit the bill.
Thanks!
joanie
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DJC at 18:54 on 15 January 2006
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Great final stanza - the ending and beginning idea is spot on. Not sure about the 'flapping', though - it leaves rather an unfortunate image in my mind of big burly rugby players flapping their arms like pigeons! Another word, more suited to their movement onto the pitch? Perhaps not even a verb, but coin a noun as a verb, something muscular or perhaps playful.
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joanie at 20:14 on 15 January 2006
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Thanks, Darren. The flapping image has to stay, I think. The shirts flap as they rush out, enthusiastic. I don't really want to lose it.
Thanks! joanie
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