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Afternoon Sleep

by PhillC 

Posted: 03 January 2006
Word Count: 64
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You sleep,
Compressed on the lounge,
Under the cream blanket you gave me for sleeping
On the lounge.

Head resting on my lap,
On a pillow stolen from my bed.
Your sleep distracts my Akhmatova reading,
Stealing thoughts away from her bed.

Rhythmic breathing, a tune of infinite subtlety.
Your shoulder marks in time,
To a beat composed for life,
Subtly performed for infinity.






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Comments by other Members



Cornelia at 07:57 on 04 January 2006  Report this post
I enjoyed the quiet atmosphere of this poem on the theme of the loved one abserved whilst sleeping.

Two points of possible ambiguity:

A lounge, as far as I know, is a room. A day-bed or sofa, which is what you seem to refer to here, can be called a lounger.

I think you mean 'curled up' rather than compressed.

Akhmatova?

I like the way the last verse opens out from the particular moment to the more universal and timeless.

Sheila
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Beanie Baby at 20:51 on 04 January 2006  Report this post
Nice restful little piece this. I often watch my husband sleeping and I can identify with the feelings of love you have so subtly illustrated here.

All the best for 2006.
Beanie
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chris2 at 12:45 on 01 February 2006  Report this post
PhillC - A sensitive piece. I liked it.

I have to agree with Sheila about 'lounge'. Because its meaning will seem 'wrong', it will strike a jarring note with UK readers.

On the other hand, I think that the use of the word 'compressed' is excellent - one of the poem's best images.

Chris
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