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And Still I cannot Wake From Their War (Part 2)

by John G.Hall 

Posted: 31 December 2005
Word Count: 201
Summary: the so on and so on war goes on and on....
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And Still I cannot Wake From Their War (Part 2)

the papers don't read me right
the priests keep burying people
the doctors are choosing who dies
the tv is selling me reality tv

outside the Art House the homeless reside
inside the Art House the less homeless buy
latex coffee and herbal beers from Belgium

the film is motion less meaning plus treason
the music vibe breaks and beats on my lips
the books uncover back into illiterate tree bark
the pop art post cards dreaming of iconoclasts

along a time lined up against the great wall of death
beside it's selfish firing squad a nation drinks to suicide
a damp coursing blood bath robed in Texan oil skins

the auto-more bile-machine pumping out the insane
the frozen tons of dead boy friends piled hanger high
the coffin squads gagged & blind folded by Yankee flags
the striped union breakers illuminated by tortured stars

how far into skin can a Camel burn says the slow gun
as the damned bless us with the curse of holy holy life
and the baby blue eyes of Arkansas cry me a cold tear

and still I cannot wake from their war.



John G.Hall(C)2005






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Comments by other Members



Jekyll&Hyde at 11:09 on 31 December 2005  Report this post
John, nice meaningful poem.

Seems an understatement to call it just a poem.
A message. But we've already lost this kind of war, haven't we?

Best,
Ste

* We have one in Nottingham, too. But it's up a grade, so the homeless can't be arsed to walk that far - or maybe they're just weak and tired ;)
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Account Closed at 14:39 on 14 January 2006  Report this post
Another great rap piece - I can just see how powerful it will be when performed. I do love the way the syntax gets more convoluted as the anger surfaces more openly.

Should "it's self" be "itself"??

A
xxx
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DJC at 18:43 on 14 January 2006  Report this post
The opening stanza is powerful, and I like the way you repeat tv in line 4 and the whole inversion of things, which is so true nowadays.

There are many powerful images in the poem, such as the latex coffee (Starbucks by any chance? I heard they make more profit per unit sold than pretty much any other business..apart from maybe cinemas selling popcorn, but that's another story) and the 'parking thickets' (nice). However, as a cohesive whole it is hard to work out. I can see what the key theme of the poem is, and appreciate the raw emotion that has been put into this, but because the images are disjointed it is hard to work through.

I won't say too much more as I'm not sure of the level of comment you want on your work. Suffice to say that this is far more of a brave attempt to address the fractured nature of our world than most (including me) are capable of, and in this respect I take my hat off to you.
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John G.Hall at 01:23 on 15 January 2006  Report this post
Thanks for all the helpful comments, I have re-written the piece & here it is.

Cheers

JGH
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DJC at 15:42 on 15 January 2006  Report this post
Yes! So much better. The repetition at the beginning of each line really ties things together, and gives it a 'chanting' quality that links well with the mood of the piece. The imagery, now reworked, is far more powerful, and you really get a sense of narrative, or at least a building of images, that, although are still disjointed (as they should be) work together as a whole.

typo 'its', rather than 'it's'

Nice one.

Darren
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