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Words

by hailfabio 

Posted: 28 December 2005
Word Count: 27
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Any lyric sounds good
in a good song.

I can't find words
when the time comes along.

You speak words I don't know
yet I understand somehow.






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Beanie Baby at 20:20 on 04 January 2006  Report this post
Hi Stephen, and a happy new year to you. This poem starts off really well and has a real fluidity to it but the final stanza worries me because it doesn't flow so well. Do you think it would read better if you somehow reduced the length of the first line here? The two previous stanzas start off well - ie-

Any lyric sounds good

and

I can't find words

Maybe if the third one started with something like this:

You speak words I don't know.

because then you could conclude with:

I think I understand

(I would italicise if I knew how to but I hope this gives you an idea).

Having said all that, I do like it - especially that last line, which almost has the feel of whispered secrets.

Thank you for sharing.

Wishing you loads of published success this year.

Beanie.
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hailfabio at 10:27 on 05 January 2006  Report this post
Thanks Beanie,

I've edited the last two lines.

As a relative newcomer to writing, could you give me some tips for getting published? I know its not easy.

Stephen
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