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That Cliff Richard Song

by bjlangley 

Posted: 07 December 2005
Word Count: 416
Summary: For Comedy Contest 3


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December the first, twenty four days to go,
To buy all the presents and wish for some snow,
I’ll pick up some cards and get them sent out,
A good time of year to give old friends a shout,
There’s plenty of time, nothing will go wrong,
And they’ve started to play that Cliff Richard song

Fifth of December, there’s a whole twenty days,
So I’m off to a party with a friend who DJ’s,
I’m having a drink and dancing away,
And thinking of Santa riding his sleigh,
The season of goodwill, just cannot go wrong,
As I’m dancing away to that Cliff Richard song,

The tenth of December, fifteen days remaining,
The work Christmas party, was so entertaining,
Everyone’s merry; they’ve all had a few,
I chat to my boss and he’s sick on my shoe,
But it’s only the first thing to go wrong,
And I still quite enjoy that Cliff Richard song,

Fifteenth of December, just ten days left,
I’m doing some shopping when I’m a victim a theft,
They’ve put up the prices, it’s like being robbed,
I was so disappointed I went home and sobbed,
Why oh why is it all going wrong?
And can someone please stop that Cliff Richard song?

Eighteenth of December, there’s only a week,
The postmen are striking, left me up shit-creek,
Buying online will save time they said,
But why couldn’t they leave the parcel in the shed?
There’s bugger all time and it’s all going wrong,
And I can’t get away from that Cliff Richard song

December twenty first, four days remain,
And I’m seriously tempted to escape on a plane,
I went to the shop, but can’t buy a turkey
The water is turning unquestionably murky,
What did I do to make it go wrong?
And I sick to the stomach of that Cliff Richard song,

Twas the night before Christmas, just twenty four hours,
And if I’m to do this I’ll need superpowers,
The turkey, the presents, the card, and the tree,
Why does it depend on little old me?
The worst Christmas ever, it’s all gone so wrong,
And I’ll murder Cliff Richard for singing that song,

Christmas day’s here, and though it took me all night,
The presents were wrapped, and everything’s right,
The children are smiling, and dinner’s near done,
Who would have thought it could be so much fun?
Thank the magic of Christmas that it didn’t go wrong,
And eleven months without that Cliff Richard song






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Comments by other Members



Flying Tart at 10:08 on 08 December 2005  Report this post
Hi Ben
Well done. We've obviously both been traumatised by years of piped Xmas compilation albums in shopping malls! I know just how you feel, and it's only the 8th! Roll on Boxing Day.

Sandra

syorkslad26 at 12:22 on 08 December 2005  Report this post
Hi BJ,

Thoroughly enjoyed this. It could almost pass for a Christmas song itself. It would make a nice change to the usual crap we get as number one's each year. At least this one is more honest about the whole christmas experience. Finally, a song / poem that really brings home the potential misery of the season. Loved how "The Cliff Richard Song" (I won't say it's name) is cherished at the start and loathed by the end, I think this is the case with most Christmas songs come the big day, isn't it? Anyway, keep it up. Only seventeen more days to go.

syorkslad26

baumski at 14:04 on 08 December 2005  Report this post
Hi Ben,

As my wife won't have anything said against 'The Chosen One', I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your poem because it beats the s**t out of Mistletoe and Wine.

Martin

Account Closed at 08:04 on 09 December 2005  Report this post
Nice one Ben!
Encapsulates the stress and why it's all worth it in the end (isn't it?!) Which CR song is it? Summer Holiday?

In France we don't get the Chrismas muzak and I have to say, I quite miss it (not CR, though)

Elspeth

Deborah at 15:23 on 28 December 2005  Report this post
Now it's all over - this is brilliant (not that it wouldn't have been brilliant before... oh bugger... here, have my spade...)
Debs



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