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forever is never forever

by Bobbyisrose 

Posted: 07 December 2005
Word Count: 56
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"I love you Baby girl," she said "lets be together forever."

"i love you Jasmin, I will be with you forever," i sain with tears rolling down my checks from my happyness.

weeks later she said that she cnat do forever, well at least with me, she fell in love with another girl.

we were done.






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long`n`short at 08:56 on 09 December 2005  Report this post
Is this supposed to be a micro flash piece? I've never really been a fan, myself. It's good as a writing exercise, to learn to optimise use of words, but too many pieces are just attempts at quick wit that only get half-way there.

This just reads like a statement of fact. 'We made promises, she broke hers'. Unless I'm missing something. I've never been good at picking up subtleties, probably why my writing is so so-so.

All I can really say is that I think I missed the point on this one, and you have a typo in the second line - 'i sain with tears'.

good luck with your writing.
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MarkT at 16:08 on 21 July 2006  Report this post
Short, to the point but with a couple of typo's but hey, who am I to pick you up! :)

well done,

Mark
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