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Happy Bunnies

by Ian Smith 100 

Posted: 29 November 2005
Word Count: 601
Summary: Three aliens struggle to fit into the earth scene.

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Tills beeped. I stared into the shop window, and inhaled the newness. I pushed open the doors. I bought the first item that fitted. The receipt went in the bag, and I walked out.

Nad was waiting outside.

“What did you get?”

I held up the item. He inspected it.

“Excellent. Let’s go.”

We headed to The Cavort in The Orcus shopping centre. We joined a queue. A dancing laser imp moved over the pavement, and over me. I shielded my eyes, and moved forwards, but a large hand was placed on my chest. A man in a suit looked down at me.

“Smile, sir.”

I obeyed. My lower lip cracked. The atmosphere had dried my skin. I turned it back in my mouth, and sucked it.

The doorman took his hand away. I walked into The Cavort. Nad was sitting at the bar with tall glasses of what appeared to be fizzy treacle. I sat on a tall chair next to him. He was studying the label on the bottle.

“Twelve per cent proof. Made from the ink of the California, Monterey, long-finned squid. Squid-ink beer. Try it.”

I checked the facts. Squid changes colour faster than a chameleon, has three hearts, pumps blue blood, is jet powered, inspires legends, and is thought to be the most intelligent of earth invertebrates.

I looked round. The people in The Cavort were watching me.
I picked up the bag, climbed off the stool, and headed for the bathroom. It was no big deal. I took the item out of the bag, and put it on. I was part of the scenery.

Back at the bar, the people checked me out.

Jacko arrived.


Nad clapped.

“Yeah, evil.”

I lifted the squid ink beer.


It tasted burnt, and sweet. Jacko watched me through the bottom of the glass. He tapped a cigarette on the bar. I put the glass down. Jacko leaned back.


“Thanks Jacko.”

“You wouldn’t want to look out of place.”

“Of course not.”

“Where did you get it?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“So I can avoid the shop.”

I walked right into that one. Nad and Jacko laughed as though it was the funniest joke ever. Their laughter hurt. Then they stopped. I’d never seem them act that way before.

“Sorry Jacko, it’s not your league.”

“What’s that?”

“I said it’s not your league, Jacko.”

“Not my league. What do you mean?”

“It’s a joke. Lighten up. I was only trying to fit in, as instructed.”

“It’s a dull jacket. That’s what it is.”

“It’s just a regular jacket, Jacko.”

“It’s crap.”

Jacko’s face trembled. His eyes wobbled in their sockets. He was not a happy bunny.

“Siddown Jacko.”

“It’s crap. What are you that’s so important?”

“What are you, Jacko?”



He just wanted to fight. I could have sworn he was crying. He shouted so loudly, all the people in The Cavort looked round, and then the doorman appeared.

“Is everyone enjoying themselves, sir?”

Jacko pointed at me. I was sure I was dead. Everyone in The Cavort froze, and looked at us.

“It’s the squid ink beer.”

“I’m fine.”

“He’s had too much, and he needs to leave now.”


The doorman stood over us.

“Why don’t you all sit down?”

But it was too late for that.

The people stared as though they’d seen something new. I stared back at them. I laughed into their unprotected faces. My lower lip split. I laughed until I was melting them. I couldn’t help it. No one looked twice after that kind of surgery.

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Comments by other Members

Nelly at 15:12 on 29 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Ian,

This is a sufficiently strange short. It raises all sorts of questions and left me more than a little puzzled. So does the main character get drunk and then melt the people in the bar? What surgery has taken place and I don't get why they say 'Evil' and then laugh at the jacket. It's possible that I've missed something obvious (this happens a lot) so I re-read through and still don't get it.

Anyway, despite the confusion I enjoyed reading it and it seems free of any grammatical errors.

Do you intend to go further with the piece or leave it as it stands?


choille at 16:02 on 29 November 2005  Report this post
Hi There,
I really like the weirdness of this and enjoyed the short sentences of the dialogue.
Can I be picky?
'I walked into The Cavort.' [I don't know if you need the repition of 'The Cavort' here.]

'...and headed for the bathroom.' this gives it an American or child-like air, or sort of middle-class queasyness with bodily functions feel.
The word 'Poo' being the most extreme example of this, & when used by anyone over the age of 4 makes me want to vomit, but that's a personal thing.

'No one looked twice after that kind of surgery.' Sorry I'm being dense here, but I need an explanation of the last line.

Enjoyable read.
All the best with it.

Ian Smith 100 at 18:09 on 29 November 2005  Report this post
Nelly, I don't think you've missed anything. Thank you for your comments. It's a problem story that's rumbled on for ages. I always hope it improves slightly each time. I do hope to do more with it. I'm hoping the three characters might develop into something that I could take further.

These three aliens are desperate to fit in for some reason. When one of them buys a new jacket that he thinks will help him fit in, his so-called friends laugh at him. When Jacko says 'Evil' and 'Cruel', he's trying to sound streetwise like Ali G, and say it's good, but he's just leading his friend into a joke at his expense. Their unease divides them. Jealousy develops. The squid-ink beer contributes to the bad atmosphere between them. It's a sorry tale about earth type things. I think they need to chill out, quit the rarified atmoshpere of The Cavort and head off somewhere more peaceful before they become fashion victims.

Caroline and Nelly, two last line problems must mean I got carried away with the ending this time. It's just not believable. I think I need to stop at, "I laughed until I couldn’t help it. No one looked twice after that." and just drop all the other stuff.

Glad it still retains it's strangeness.

Many thanks.

choille at 18:25 on 29 November 2005  Report this post
Yes if you edit the last 3 words it does make sense and reads really well. I got all the other stuff about trying to blend in/ conform.
Great stuff

scarborough at 19:23 on 29 November 2005  Report this post
erm, right.

well, that's quite odd, isn't it?
That's not necessarily a bad thing, of course. If I had a criticism, I'd say that the amount of missing information gives me a sense of incompleteness. That said, I found my imagination trying to fill in the gaps, which is fun in itself. I get the feeling that's the stage it's at for you, too...

paul53 [for I am he] at 09:12 on 30 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Ian,
I don't really know what to say about this on top of what has already been said. I, too was confused by the ending, and it was too short for much character development, so - rightly or wrongly - I looked upon it more as the draft of an idea.
Like Choille, I have seen more of your work on WW site and took time to catch up on the short stories you have uploaded. The fine crafting of these pieces and the glint of gold [esp. What Is Your Problem?] in some only served to strengthen my feeling that this current upload does not do you the justice you deserve, though as Neil said it is a joy to read a piece free from the more common grammatical errors.
This is not to say that Happy Bunnies cannot go somewhere, but with the brevity of the piece, we saw but a rough sketch of what might be - and having seen your other works I know this can be something worth us waiting for.

toshi at 17:35 on 30 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Ian,

I was a bit confused about something this short, ie what it was for as well, although it was an easy read and entertaining. One thing, I had to read it through twice to realise that the "item" was a jacket. I'm not if since it was only a jacket, it was necessary to be so obsure about it at the beginning? Anyway, that is just a thought

Best wishes

Patsy at 18:19 on 30 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Ian,

This kind of reminds me of one of those funny tv spots that advertise something but you don't quite get what it is, if that makes sense!

I like the feel of it, and I think it could be made into a great short story, or perhaps even something longer! Just add a few more details. Show us the bar, what do the people in there look like to these odd guys? Seeing Earth People through the eyes of an alien would be fun, and help to tell us that there is more about these guys that is odd than their drink choice, and their taste in clothes! Tell us what his buddies look like too!

I did enjoy it!

Patsy :)

Ian Smith 100 at 13:29 on 01 December 2005  Report this post
Sense of incompleteness, draft of an idea, obscure about the jacket, agh. Yes, indeed. Thank you. I turfed out all the good detail you've asked for. It was there once, honest. I shall put it all back now there's a foundation. I had some fine detail about Jacko's spectacles, and the surgical steel bar. Very strange. Patsy, I like the ad comparison. Bogle and Bogle ad agency are welcome to contact me at any time.
Thanks again.

Nelly at 14:28 on 02 December 2005  Report this post
Well done Ian, unfortunately your link doesn’t work keeps taking me to a domain register site?

radavies1uk at 19:21 on 23 February 2006  Report this post
Hey Ian

I kinda liked this :)

I totally don't get the thing with the guy in the suit, and the squid beer feels like it belongs in a whole different story. However, starting from

Back at the bar, the people checked me out.

I think is spot on, really good interaction between the guys, I felt like I was sat at the bar watching them argue right up until the barman spoke, then I lost track of who was speaking.

Bob :)


uh, barman should read doorman :)

Iain MacLeod at 19:37 on 23 February 2006  Report this post
I like this: distinctly odd, just enough to keep you mind guessing, and a suitably mind-bending ending. I keep guessing what on earth the surgery is now, and probbly won't stop thinking about it for a while yet...

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