|
|
 |
Autumn images
Posted: 28 November 2005
Word Count: 47
Summary: Each verse is a haiku
|
Font Size
|
|
Autumn images
Maple flames flicker,
Glinting in blue sunlit air,
Light glowing within.
Cherry trees gleam red;
Setting sun’s last dying rays
Casting ruby light.
Frosted fallen leaves
Glisten golden on the ground,
Crackling under foot.
From dull leaden skies,
Swirling starlings cascade down
In countless thousands.
|
Comments by other Members
| |
 joanie at 06:20 on 29 November 2005
 Report this post
|
Love all these, Barlow. I was watching the starlings yesterday; your cascade down
In countless thousands. |
|
is exactly right.
joanie
| |
 smudger at 13:52 on 29 November 2005
Report this post
|
Hi Barlow,
This is great. Each Haiku works on its own, but with all four combined it's a really strong evocation of Autumn. I agree with Joanie about the starlings and I also liked the alliteration and the aural impressions created by:
'Frosted fallen leaves
Glisten golden on the ground,
Crackling under foot.'
Best
smudger
| |
|
|
Barlow at 08:07 on 30 November 2005
Report this post
|
Thank you all so much for your positive and encouraging comments on my latest piece. Very pleased you enjoyed it.
I'm never sure whether alliteration is right in haiku, but I use it frequently in all my poetry; it seems to be an effective way of conveying what I am trying to communicate.
Keep writing everyone!
Best wishes,
Barlow
| |
Account Closed at 16:52 on 15 December 2005
Report this post
|
Wonderfully evocative, and lovely to see a haiku series! I would put "darkening" though and drop the archaic "dark'ning" - it doesn't fit with the rest of the language. To get the count right, why not lose the "dull"?
LoL
A
xxx
| |
Barlow at 16:12 on 18 March 2006
Report this post
|
Thanks for your comments everyone.
HollieB, I 've finally altered the first line of the last stanza - (only taken me 3 months!)
I wanted a plodding effect in that line, which is why I have replaced "dark'ning" with "leaden", rather than delete "dull" and use "darkening", which seemed too quick for what I was trying to do.
Let me know if it works for you or not as the case may be!
Wishing you all much success with your writing.
Barlow
| |
Account Closed at 09:51 on 27 April 2007
Report this post
|
Ooh, yes, Barlow - it works, and I see what you mean!
Sorry to take so long to reply, groan! Thanks for the good wishes also.
:))
A
xxx
| |
|
|
| |
Comments by other Members
