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Autumn images

by Barlow 

Posted: 28 November 2005
Word Count: 47
Summary: Each verse is a haiku


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Autumn images

Maple flames flicker,
Glinting in blue sunlit air,
Light glowing within.

Cherry trees gleam red;
Setting sun’s last dying rays
Casting ruby light.

Frosted fallen leaves
Glisten golden on the ground,
Crackling under foot.

From dull leaden skies,
Swirling starlings cascade down
In countless thousands.







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Comments by other Members



joanie at 06:20 on 29 November 2005  Report this post
Love all these, Barlow. I was watching the starlings yesterday; your
cascade down
In countless thousands.
is exactly right.

joanie




smudger at 13:52 on 29 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Barlow,

This is great. Each Haiku works on its own, but with all four combined it's a really strong evocation of Autumn. I agree with Joanie about the starlings and I also liked the alliteration and the aural impressions created by:
'Frosted fallen leaves
Glisten golden on the ground,
Crackling under foot.'

Best

smudger


Beanie Baby at 20:30 on 29 November 2005  Report this post
Absolutely gorgeous! My kind of haiku!
Love, love, LOVED reading!!!!
Beanie

Barlow at 08:07 on 30 November 2005  Report this post
Thank you all so much for your positive and encouraging comments on my latest piece. Very pleased you enjoyed it.

I'm never sure whether alliteration is right in haiku, but I use it frequently in all my poetry; it seems to be an effective way of conveying what I am trying to communicate.

Keep writing everyone!

Best wishes,

Barlow

Account Closed at 16:52 on 15 December 2005  Report this post
Wonderfully evocative, and lovely to see a haiku series! I would put "darkening" though and drop the archaic "dark'ning" - it doesn't fit with the rest of the language. To get the count right, why not lose the "dull"?

LoL

A
xxx

Barlow at 16:12 on 18 March 2006  Report this post
Thanks for your comments everyone.

HollieB, I 've finally altered the first line of the last stanza - (only taken me 3 months!)

I wanted a plodding effect in that line, which is why I have replaced "dark'ning" with "leaden", rather than delete "dull" and use "darkening", which seemed too quick for what I was trying to do.

Let me know if it works for you or not as the case may be!

Wishing you all much success with your writing.

Barlow

Account Closed at 09:51 on 27 April 2007  Report this post
Ooh, yes, Barlow - it works, and I see what you mean!

Sorry to take so long to reply, groan! Thanks for the good wishes also.

:))

A
xxx

Shika at 12:30 on 21 November 2007  Report this post
Beautiful. S


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