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by joanie 

Posted: 24 November 2005
Word Count: 44
Summary: My response to Part 3 of fevver's exercise on Poetry Seminar

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Blurred images,
floating towards eternity.
As close as my hand yet
as far as deep space, endless
as the motorway snaking
like a trashed typewriter ribbon.
Clutching shapes
as formless as amoeba,
my fingers claw the air
but substance fails.
I clutch at images.

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Comments by other Members

Nell at 08:15 on 25 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Joanie. This is so tantalizing - exactly like the blurred images your narrator is reaching for. I keep reading, wanting more and very quickly as I read my feelings become at one with the narrator. It could almost be a poem about trying to write a poem, yet there's that motorway and I find myself hoping the poet isn't driving!

There's an abstract quality about it - maybe created by the use of those nebulous words, 'images' 'eternity', 'endless'
'formless' and 'substance'. The poem could be a metaphor for so many things and the reader is pulled in to interpret it in any one of countless ways - I'll be thinking about it all day.


Shika at 08:28 on 25 November 2005  Report this post
Very very evocative. I loved the motor way snaking like typewriter ribbon. As I am in the process of submitting my manuscript to agents, this speaks to me of distant goals some which are attainable and others that disappear into the mist. Where do you get these images from? They are beautiful. S

joanie at 15:06 on 25 November 2005  Report this post
Nell and Shika - many thanks! I wondered, having re-read it, whether two 'clutches' are too many! I might have another look at it.
Glad you enjoyed it.


Mac AM at 16:05 on 25 November 2005  Report this post
Loved this Joanie - a great response to Fevvers exercise.


Elsie at 18:44 on 25 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Joanie, it's a nebulous and dreamy poem, like the subject matter. Kind of like falling asleep, or waking in the night thinking you had a thought that makes everything fall into place, and then losing it again. I hadn't noticed two clutches until you pointed it out.

joanie at 07:07 on 26 November 2005  Report this post
Mac and Elsie, thank you very much. Yes, you're right, Elsie, it is like a dream where you keep losing the sense of things.



Mac AM at 08:11 on 26 November 2005  Report this post
I didn't notice the double entry either. Perhaps it is because they are clutching and clutch. If they were both clutch it might be more obvious.

Strange how everyone missed it.


Xenny at 21:59 on 01 December 2005  Report this post
Oh I so so like it. And I definitely didn't notice the clutch/clutching at all.

I'm really reluctant to say this, but there was one small thing I wasn't 100% sure of:
'floating towards eternity'. I think it's because it follows, 'blurred images', and they both have the sound of lines I might have read elsewhere in less original poems. But then again, I wouldn't know what to say instead, and the poem does seem to work wonderfully as a whole.

The motorway snaking was my favourite line, and the comparison to the typewriter ribbon.

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