Gothic Erotic by Ambitions of Lisa

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Gothic Erotic

by Ambitions of Lisa

Posted: 19 November 2005
Word Count: 149
Summary: Fantasy / Vampire / Erotica ..... *WARNING.. MAY OFFEND* Inspired in whitby after reading a gothic novel.

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Darkest Fantasy
you live by night
craving the red
warmness of life
Feeding from pure
untouched prey

My heartbeat
pulsating throb
You touch me
cold sensation
chills my blood
I'm drawn to you

Eyes like glass
captivated
I submit
dark erotica
ravenous bite
I tremble

my breasts heave
you drain me
You fuck me
aroused by my taste
your coarse hair
teases my nipples

Now we're one
your hardness
penentrates, violates
my juices flow
I'm open wide
welcoming you

Into my body
my immortal soul
I belong to the night
the moon my torch
blood my wine
you took me

A vampire bride
I arouse you
like a whore
only darkness
hears my cries
as you fill me

Your warmth oozes
between my thighs
your frenzy
increases hunger
a desire
to feed, devour

When you return
we'll play again
before sunrise
you the hunter
me, eternal prey
gothic lover

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Comments by other Members

engldolph at 16:27 on 20 November 2005 Report this post

Hi Lisa,

I very much like the idea..the appeal that dark, fantasy play can have between two people ...

For me: Some really good ideas and lines like:

craving the red
warmness of life

cold sensation
chills my blood
I'm drawn to you

Eyes like glass

I'm open wide
welcoming you (the change here of being taken to willing participant)

I belong to the night
the moon my torch
blood my wine

I arouse you
like a whore
only darkness
hears my cries

we'll play again
before sunrise

--

It is the core of a good poem I think..

The difficulty I think here is to figure out where you want to position this piece... if you really want to be up there with the best Gothic poetry, you perhaps need to get much darker, more subtle, more psychological (rather than physical)

If you want to position in more mainstream, you need to focus on the fantasy/play part.

Either one can, I think, safely drop stanzas 4&5: In that I'm not sure that real vampire gothic had or has alot to do with explicit sex...it is darker and more subtle..so I think for that reader they would see the sex part as a bit tame and off the point... for the mainstream (fantasy as play), I think you could hint at sex in a more playful way..

I hope this helps..

a lot of good stuff to work with.

Mike

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Brian Aird at 09:24 on 21 November 2005 Report this post

This reminded me of Tanith Lee!

Perhaps the sex seems tame because we know what Vampires realy need and I assume also like; the first verse hints at it; the 'kill' the act of sucking the life from a victim. It that erotic, particulalry if shared between lovers? As a Vampire bride did you go willingly or as if in a spell? As Mike suggests, verse five ends all doubt; could we wait until the last verse to find that out?

I'd say there is plenty of scope to explore the mindset of these lovers!

Brian

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Ambitions of Lisa at 11:32 on 21 November 2005 Report this post

Thank you Mike and Brian

I agree with your comments. I certainly have something to work with here and I see there are many different angles I can take.

Will play with it a little and see what I come up with.
:)

Lisa

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Zettel at 14:37 on 26 November 2005 Report this post

Lisa

Powerful and full of sexual charge. My only reservation: is there a thread of woman-as-prey, therefore victim here? If so - is that essential? The erotic charge of equals can be very potent it seems to me and not surely un-gothic?.

Brave, frank and full and strength.

Regards

Zettel

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