Blanket by hailfabio - WriteWords.org.uk

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Blanket

by hailfabio

Posted: 17 November 2005
Word Count: 40

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Why do you comfort me? Complete my shaking soul.
Why do you keep me warm? See my spirit light up.
Why do you cling to me? I sweat with you.

Why do you leave me, when I need you most?

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joanie at 17:52 on 17 November 2005 Report this post

Hi Stephen. I like the sentiments in this very much and also its brevity.

I think it would be better if you put the question mark at the end of the final line, and even perhaps isolate it.

Why do you comfort me? Complete my shaking soul.
Why do you keep me warm? See my spirit light up.
Why do you cling to me? I sweat with you.

Why do you leave me when I need you most?

I love 'I sweat with you'.

joanie

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Account Closed at 13:30 on 18 November 2005 Report this post

Ooh yes, I agree with Joanie. Wonderfully bitter and punchy. Love it.

A
xxx

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hailfabio at 14:08 on 18 November 2005 Report this post

Thanks

Joanie is right about the structure.

Stephen

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Laura Hunt at 12:43 on 24 November 2005 Report this post

Ouch - sharp and painful.

Laura

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