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Needy

by John G.Hall 

Posted: 08 November 2005
Word Count: 170
Summary: Needy Street two way .....
Related Works: A Little Sacred Air • 

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Needy

i need you to say my name
when i feel nameless
i need you to touch me
when i feel out of touch
i need you to see me
when i am invisible
i need you to hear me
when i am silent,

i need you to care
when i am careless
i need you to taste me
when i am tasteless
i need you to speak to me
when i am speechless
i need you to need me
when i am needless,

i need you to sense me
when i am nonsense
i need you to fill me
when i am emptied
i need you to find me
when i am out of place
i need you to know this
your careful heart is safe,

i need you to live
when i am dead
i need you to be happy
when i am sad
i need you to laugh
when i sob,

i need you to be you
when merely being me
is not nearly enough.


John G.Hall(C)2005







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Comments by other Members



Shika at 09:30 on 09 November 2005  Report this post
Fantastic. Loved this so much. There's is so much in this poem. I think it would also work well as a song. I think the title does not do it justice though. I think the protagonist is more than needy. This is about commitment and equal love and partnership. I think you should try for a more appropriate title. S

Account Closed at 08:01 on 10 November 2005  Report this post
Loved it. I'd take those floating commas and end full stop out and make it completely punctuation-free. I'd also be tempted to cut the last 2 lines in stanze 3, and also replace "sob" with "cry", as it's more of a "contained" word, and the poem is very contained in its handling of all that emotion (if you see what I mean!...)

Wonderful.

LoL

A
xxx

Account Closed at 23:06 on 10 November 2005  Report this post
I so like this. It's very fast paced, reads great and you're feeling along with it. Quite wonderful Agree on the punctuation that it would also work without it.


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