Week 2

We arrived in England at Heathrow on the morning of Tuesday and were picked up by Seema’s mum. We arrived at terminal three of the Heathrow airport via Gulf Air airline services. The airport was cool; it smelt of tobacco smoke, perfume, and strong coffee intermingled with tea and hot chocolate, the smell of food wafting across from the various booths and stalls was the smell of England. The smell was very different from Mumbai International Airport in India, which was full of spices and the heat, which was at times unbearable. Heathrow was much bigger than Mumbai Airport with lots of stalls and shops all neatly organised. I could see why it was one of the best airports in the world.

We were meet at the airport by Seema’s mother, whom I called Nina Kaki. Vipin kaka is what I used for Seema’s father. I could not get used to calling them uncle or auntie as we had always addressed each other’s parents as kaka and kaki when Seema’s family used to live in India. Seema’s mum greeted us with a kiss and hug. She asked after my family and if I had enjoyed the journey. We walked to the car park where Nina kaki had parked her purple car.

‘It’s a Toyota Rava, a family car which can take up to six passengers. It is similar to the matador in India’ Nina kaki explained when she saw me staring at the car.

We drove through the London roads which I found so smooth and soundless compared to India where only the main roads were cemented all others were like roads in a forest, un-cemented full of pot holes and mud. I also notice how everybody was driving systematically giving each other room to manoeuvre or turn corners. Stopping politely to allow pedestrians to cross the roads at junctions or Zebra crossings. There were no loud horns honking off everywhere at each and every turn as it was in India. Everything was so quiet and serene with people going about there business quietly.

I asked Seema –

‘Have you got your driving licence?’

Seema grinned saying –

‘Only just. Before I came to India.’

Nina kaki laughed saying ‘Yes, after three attempts our Seema got her driving licence.’

Seema gave her mum a glaring look and said –

‘Yes, I just about stopped from doing a PhD in driving lessons actually.’ Seema retorted.

Ignoring Seema’s annoyance Nina kaki continued -

‘Twinkle it is not easy passing a driving exam in England. First you need to pass a theory test followed by a practical test. You absolutely cannot bribe, cheat or use contacts to get your driving licence which you can easily do in India.’

I replied –

‘That’s good, it means you have safer drivers making the pedestrians life safer and easier.’

Seema’s family lived in an area called Stanmore in London, in a lovely, big, five bed-roomed house with landscaped gardens at the front and back. They had a huge kitchen and lounge beautifully decorated. You could see East meeting West in the way they had done the décor of the house. Seema took me upstairs. We were going to share her bedroom so that we could do lots of ‘ gup chup’ or gossip and have fun. Seema’s bedroom was huge and she had an extra bed put in for me. She also had her own en-suite bathroom, shower and makeup room. Um! It felt very relaxing and comfortable. It felt almost like being in a hotel.

Next day Seema took me to her hairdresser where I had a layered bob done. We bought some new jeans, dresses and tops for myself so that I did not look ‘desi’ according to Seema’s definition.

It was during this week that I meet Nick and his family. Nick’s family were related to Seema from her dad’s side, he was her dad’s cousin sister’s son. As they lived nearby the two families were to meet every single day to prepare for Seema’s wedding in two week’s time.

Nick was a handsome man, tall, with wheat coloured brown skin, light brown eyes and dark brown hair. He was approximately six feet tall. He was three years older then me I found out, a chartered accountant and was working in an International bank in ‘THE CITY’. To work in ‘THE CITY’, I was told meant you were an upcoming ‘yuppie’ or about to make your millions. We were in the kitchen when Seema properly introduced him to me. We started a conversation straight away about India, why I was here, what I had done and hoped to do etc. etc. I thought we hit it off with each other very well.

It was at this weekend, when all the youngsters decided to go shopping for Seema’s and everyone else’s clothes that I felt I quite fancied Nick and I thought he did too. Why? Because he was funny, joking and always insisting I sit next to him in the car. Two, no three times he had held by hand and helped me to decide what I should wear during the wedding. We were doing our shopping in an area called ‘Ealing Road’ in London, when Nick had whispered in my year to snick away with him to a nearby Indian restaurant for a snack and a drink. He took me to a restaurant called ‘Simply Indian’ and we enjoyed eating ‘Pav bhaji’ – a mixture of spicy mashed vegetables with toasted burger buns with a ‘falooda drink’ – made with milk, crushed ice, subja or tukmaria seeds, boiled vermicelli strands and rose syrup shake with saffron and nut ice-cream. It was awesome.

When we rejoined the group on Ealing Road everybody started sniggering and pulling faces at us.
They all spoke together -

‘Ahoy, so where were you two then, huh?’

It was embarrassing in a nice way. Nick said -

‘Oh! I just took Twinkle for a quick snack, as I was hungry and needed company.’

Mona, Nick’s sister said -

‘Needed company! What about us? You could have had the whole ‘Sen Family Enterprises’ with you. Why go solo, you two?’

Nick, did not say anything and I was really embarrassed now to say anything.

Seema screamed -

‘Hey, look Twinkle’s blushing’.

Ha, ha, ha they all laughed.

It was Seema’s fiancée, Sam – full name Samir, who said -

‘Leave them alone; come on we will all go for a quick snack, now. My treat.’

I looked at Sam with relived and thankful eyes, but I could see he was silently grinning mischievously as well.

That night, Seema and I talked very late into the night.

Seema started -

‘Do you like England, Twinkle?’

I replied -

‘Yes, it seems OK so far.’

‘Do you think you will be able to fit into the system?’ Seema continued.

‘I hope so, I think I could fit in anywhere really once I get to know the people and the place. So far I know people like you, Nick and his family. I have made some friends from your circle also. As for the place, I am starting to get my bearings. So, I think I will get into the system.’ I answered.

There was a pause in the conversation suddenly. I don’t know what Seema was thinking, but I wanted to know more about Nick and his family. I was just about getting the courage to ask her when Seema suddenly said -

‘Do you fancy Nick?’

I was unnerved by her question. I don’t know why...maybe because I wanted to be the first to bring the subject up.

I spoke carefully, trying not to offend or seem too brazen about it -

‘I like him certainly and that is obvious to me plus everyone I suppose because you are asking me about it. If that is what you mean by ‘fancy’ then I would say yes.’

Seema started laughing -

‘You stupid, everyone knows from the way you two are always talking and behaving. It’s great and I am relived to know that you like him, cause you know what..’ She stopped suddenly.

I anxiously asked -

‘What’.

‘Mum, dad, uncle and aunty asked about what’s the scene between you two. I said I would find out and let them know.’ Seema elaborated.

‘Oh! I see. ‘ I remarked. ‘Hello, Seema, don’t go all dreamy on me yet. I like Nick but that does not mean he likes me does it?’

Seema grinned saying –

‘Now, Twinkle sweetie DO YOU LIKE HIM AS A FRIEND, or, AS A POTENIAL HUSBAND?

This time I was really flabbergasted and I must have looked dumbfounded because Seema began tickling and laughing a loud teasing me with words like

‘I have found my ‘Pati Parmeshwar’, meaning my soul mate, I have found my ‘pyar’ meaning love...on and on she went until I screamed -

‘Seema stop it, please. OK.OK. I like Nick and maybe if we have a serious talk between us before I give my answer it would be better don’t you think.’

This time it was Seema’s turn to say –

‘Hello, Twinkle, wakey, wakey – you must have a lot in common or something must be attracting you to Nick for him to stick with you every time he gets a chance.’

I laughed aloud saying, feeling a bit light hearted and relived at the way the conversation was going -

‘Perhaps, but I think to consider such a serious issue as marriage within such a short time without a proper dialogue between Nick and I is not a fair way to conclude our relationship. Just by being in each other’s company is not again a fair assumption of our attentions.’

Seema started again -

‘Yeah, fair enough. But remember even the most forward-looking and liberal Indian families do not allow their children to have a ‘trial living together phase’ to find out and discover each other. We have what is termed now as a semi-arranged marriage whereby we get a chance to see our spouse, talk with and discover them in a community or communal settings.’

‘I know that’, I retorted feeling a bit hurt. I thought Seema was talking to me like I was totally stupid

Seema went on –

‘I met Sam at a community gathering for Diwali. Someone introduced us saying he was a chemical engineer working for an American company. We got to know each other at that time and told our parents about our intentions. The whole thing about marriage and meeting the right partner is a gamble. In the long run Twinkle, if you have a love marriage, or a marriage after ‘trial living together phase’ or a semi-arranged marriage life’s day to day problems do not go away, what ever type of marriage you end up in.’

‘So, carry on I am listening Seema’, I replied intrigued.

‘So, I think that maybe Nick likes you too. You have a couple of days to get to know him. I will ask you towards end of next week and I think Nick’s parents are going to ask him about his intentions also. I know they have been on a look out for a suitable match and I believe they think you will fit in their family perfectly. If you both decide you want to spend rest of your lives with each other, great, we can have two weddings side by side on my wedding day. Incidentally, Twinkle I think you make a nice couple. ‘

I was wide-eyed and speechless at Seema’s outburst. I kept staring at her until she started tickling me again

‘Fine, OK’ I screeched ‘I will let you know by end of next week. Can we go to sleep now I feel exhausted after your grilling interrogation.’

And so by the end of the second week my destiny was beginning to change and fast. I had a chance to find happiness with a man and a family I was getting familiar with and who were not traditionally traditionalists but very progressive and liberal thinkers who still valued their ancestors, ancestry, culture and background. It would indeed be a proud day for me to become a part of this wonderful family for the rest of my life. My own family back in Rajkot would be very happy and ecstatic if this was to become true.

Week 3

It was Monday of the third week since my arrival in England. It started very excitedly. I needed to find out as much as I could about Nick, his views in life, what he enjoyed, what sort of life partner he was in search off …

I wrote a e-mail to my dad in Rajkot, India, explaining about the events enfolding here and to ask his advice about what I should do. Whilst I was busy e-mailing I could hear a lot of background chatter in the kitchen. I knew instinctively that Seema was updating her mum and dad about our little chat last night regarding Nick and myself.

After I had e-mailed my dad and checked my other mails, I closed the computer and drifted towards the kitchen deep in thought about how I would behave, approach the whole Nick issue and how I would get through the week when Seema interrupted my thoughts with

‘Um, already dreaming huh! It’s your ‘D’ week. An important week which could change your life.’

‘What’s the ‘D’ supposed to stand for, it’s not a war you know’ I told Seema, she giggled with a reply

‘D is supposed to be for DECESION WEEK, lovey.’

‘Great and thanks’ I murmured, continuing ‘By the way, before I make any decision I am waiting for my dad’s answer to my e-mail I have sent him today regarding this issue.’

‘Yeah, sure. You must get your parents ‘ashirwad’ – blessings – together with their approval. But, Twinkle, what ever you decide we will be here for you with our support. Don’t feel pressurised into any thing. Mum and dad think of you as their adopted daughter.’ Seema responded.

With that heart-warming reassurance we both went into the kitchen for breakfast. The smell and the breakfast was absolutely mouth watering. We had masala tea – made with sugar, fresh ginger, cardamom pods, cloves and cinnamon to give the drink a wake-me-up flavour along with stuffed paratha – Indian flat bread stuffed with spicy mashed potato filling accompanied my hot mango pickle. A great energy booster and filling breakfast which we would need to complete the tasks ahead of Seema’s pre-wedding preparations.

Most of this week we were going to stay in do all the tasks, which had been listed which were -
1. Pack all of Seema’s wedding clothes, the stuff she would need once she moved to her husband’s house
2. Choose decorations for Sanji – and Mendhi – Henna night
3. Choose design for her wedding card
4. Choose hairstyle, make-up and jewellery to wear on Sanji and wedding days

And the list went on and on…

In the evenings we would go out for a meal or make something at home depending on how tired everyone was. As usual Nick and his family would come in the evenings to lend a hand. So I had to plan my getting-to-know-Nick phase during these times. During our conversations I found that Nick enjoyed sports watching and playing, cricket, badminton, swimming, tennis and football being amongst his favourite. He was a food fad enjoying most cuisines of the world. He was a vegetarian but enjoyed his beer. His favoured clothing was casual wear for informal and smart but not necessarily suited wear for formal or work purposes. Umm, I thought to myself – SIMPLE LIVING HIGH THINKING sort of person.

By Thursday I got a reply from my dad who wrote that if Seema’s family are recommending Nick for me than they had every trust in them. If things did work out mum and dad would come over just for the wedding even if they had to take a loan. Bless them, I thought. That evening at night I told Seema of my dad’s e-mail and what I had been able to find out about Nick.

Seema asked ‘Yes, great so you have find out things about him, but have you discussed or asked the vital question?’

‘What question, Seema?’ I pretended, knowing exactly what she was driving at.

Seema frowned and elucidated ‘Oh! Come on Twinkle, you know what question I am talking about, but, just in case I will elaborate – Did you ask him about his intentions of marrying you.’

I reciprocated ‘But I thought his family would have asked him. I was WAITING for him to ask. To be honest I am conservative in thinking about these things. I believe it should be the boy who should ask first.’

There was silence between us as both, as we both thought deeply about this situation when Seema spoke -

‘Twinkle you need to be sure yourself also. Don’t just wait for the elders to sort things out. Look you are not in India that you should feel ashamed of asking a boy about his feelings towards you. Come on, open up.’

‘OK, I will ask him tomorrow’. I replied.

‘You had better, we need to decide what to do either way’ Seema responded.

‘Marriage may slow me down or even stop altogether from gaining my MBA. Doing an MBA was my ambition.’ I told Seema.

‘Why should it? You just tell Nick you want to do this and you carry on.’

‘What about his parents. Family responsibilities etc.’ I carried on

‘What if you went to work? Nowadays daughter-in-laws are supposed to be working, intelligent and pretty. Now there is no doubt that you are pretty and intelligent. All you need is to get a good job. Tell them about doing your MBA and bribe them with how much you would earn once you were qualified. They will be smitten by you, I tell you.’ Seema explained

Continuing Seema said ‘ Use this strategy with the in-laws to do your MBA and they will be the ones to proudly proclaim to everyone about you. Mark my words. Oh! What a heavy burden we Indian women have to carry to live independent lives.’

On that note we both went to sleep.

Friday morning I woke up earlier than usual. I slowly sneaked out of the bed, got bathed and ready. Looking out of the window I saw the beautiful landscaped garden, luscious, green full of fragrant flowers such as violets, lavender and roses my favourite. There was a medium sized pond with a colour fountain in the middle, which was usually put on for special occasions and festivities. The pond was surrounded by two white coloured marble benches, which Seema’s family had imported from India. The whole scene seemed so peaceful and tranquil that I decided I would go down and walk round the garden to get fresh air and feel the ambience of the peaceful garden. This would give me some space to myself to think things over and clear my mind. I just had no inkling of how I was going to approach this topic with Nick. I wish my mum or dad or my brother or my sister anybody could have been here and I could have asked him or her like a coward to go and find out for me. A Gujarati saying came into my mind which my mum often said when she wanted something done according to her wishes ‘Ap Muva Swarge Na Javai’ – meaning you cannot attain heaven unless you die. So, there it was if I wanted to have my heaven I will have to die and find out myself. It was a beautiful morning with the sun just coming up, beaming with warm rays and light as if to say I am bringing forth a new life where you will find all the warmth and brightness life can offer. You need not have to look elsewhere. Maybe, after tonight this would be true for me also, a new life….I looked at Seema, who was fast asleep, with gratitude.

I quickly did my puja and prayers and went into the garden. I walked a couple of rounds before parking myself on the bench and contemplating the day ahead. Gradually the house began to come alive with movement and noise when Seema shouted from the upstairs window to get in for breakfast. The whole day seemed surreal as it progressed towards the evening. Nick and his family arrived around 6.oo p.m. dot as everyday. As soon as they came I interlocked my eyes with Nick and nodded with a gesture to say meet me outside in the garden. I whispered to Seema that we were in the garden and to look out for anyone wandering that way. She acknowledged with an understanding nod. So off I went with Nick following.

Once again the garden seemed so peaceful and stunning with the sun setting and a lovely cool breeze sweeping across bringing the sweet fragrance of the flowers, which was so calming and soothing to the senses. I set down on the bench, waiting for Nick to do the same. I began with -

‘Nick, I um..I um..’ and I trailed off beginning to loose my confidence when Nick prodded me with -

‘Come on Twinkle, what’s up? You seem a bit nervous. Nothing wrong is there? Are you well?’

‘Nick do you want to marry me? There I have got it out now.’ I looked at Nick with wide eyes, which must have seemed like two saucers as I stared at him

Nick seemed surprised by my outburst. He got up from the bench and stood near the pond with his hands in his pocket and his back to me. It seemed like eternity before he spoke

‘Twinkle, I like you very much. I think you are the best Indian girl I have meet so far with whom I have been able to talk freely. I value your friendship and companionship. But you don’t know about my past. Having known me for the last three weeks only, would you want to marry me.’

‘Are you proposing Nick or are you asking a question?’

‘What ever you think but the answer has to be one or the other.’ Nick continued. I could not see Nick’s face so I was unable to see his emotions and even his tone did not seem to give anything away about his feelings.

‘Nick I like you too. I have not come across an Indian boy like you before either. You allow a girl to think independently and encourage them to follow their dreams. I like you for being so straight forward and unassuming.’

‘Thanks. Twinkle I think my parents are very keen on you. To be honest they have been looking here, there and everywhere to find a suitable match. It seems the search has ended with your entry.’

‘So Nick, I have to make a decision soon and let Seema, her family and my family know of the outcome.’

‘Yes the outcome indeed. I suppose I will have to marry one of these days and there are no real life heroines so you will do I guess.’

‘You make it sound as if you do not want to lose something precious yet you do not want to hold on to it either.’

Nick, turned around and smiled ‘We had better go in and give our news to everyone, precious. Also, remember Twinkle nothing is permanent in life and if I ever let you down, I hope you will think of all the good things we have shared and forgive me.’

I was just amazed by his cool approach to the whole topic. I just set there frozen thinking if I should jump with joy or cry with confusion. Nick came over, got hold of my hand making me get up and we walked hand in hand into the house. Everyone was in the lounge. As soon as they saw us coming in holding hands there was a big roar of laughter and shouts. We did not even have to announce our intentions. And that is how my marriage was fixed. Was it a love marriage or semi-arranged marriage, what sort of a marriage was this? It was impossible to compartmentalise the arrangement.

The next day Seema’s parents rang my parents and Nick’s parents talked to them. It was agreed my parents would get emergency visas and come over for the wedding in the next two weeks. I was happy and I thought Nick was too. Everything was in full swing. There would be two wedding canopies in the wedding hall, Seema’s and mine. It felt normal just like all the things we had done together in life.

Week 5

I could not believe I had been in UK for five weeks and my life had changed dramatically. I never thought I would be able to invite my parents until I had settled down with my studies and hopefully a dynamic career following my MBA for which I had come to UK in the first place, and, of course to attend Seema’s marriage.

‘Who will now be your bridesmaid, Seema?’

‘Indeed, and who will be yours, Twinkle?’

We both giggled at the change of events.

‘Twinkle, why should we worry now! Some family friend or relation will be our bridesmaids’.

My parents arrived on the Thursday of week five. After meeting Nick and his family they were thanking the Divine for writing such a wonderful life for their daughter. All girls have to get married one day. Lucky girl Twinkle, you are now going to be not just friends but related to Seema through this alliance. Double relationship for both girls. Yeah, I thought, but I preferred to remain friends first with the related bit to be secondary.

Week 6

The Sanji and Mehendi night was going to be held on Friday night from 7.00 p.m onwards, with the wedding fixed for Sunday.

Family and friends in preparation for the Sanji and Mehendi night did Rangoli and other mural art on walls at the entrance to Seema’s house. Flower hangings were put up at the entrance of every door in the house. Multicoloured fairy lights were thrown over the shrubs, trees and bushes to light up the whole house. A DJ was hired to play music till the early hours of the morning – bhangra, garba, dandyia ras music followed by western music such as Garage, RnB, rap and hip hop for the youngsters. There were plenty of snacks and other foods with free flowing drinks. Lot of laughter and gossiping with everyone dressed in their best glitzy, glittery clothes. Young girls in their lehengas and cholis showing off their backs and body to their sexist images and boys trying to impress girls dressed up in traditional salwar kameezes. Professional henna designers were hired to paint intricate designs such as peacocks, flowers, hearts and paisley designs on both Seema’s and my hands and feet. Surrounded by friends and family the Sanji and Mehendi night went off smoothly. Next day my back was hurting due to hours sitting without moving while the henna patterns were being painted. I just went to sleep again and so did Seema.
The wedding was to take place at a specially hired hall where we would have our marriages registered as per UK law. On Sunday Sonali’s Beauty Parlour professionals arrived to dress the two brides. First went on the moisturisers, then the base foundation with dusting of the shimmering powder, followed by the brown blusher. The eyeliner to make the eyes bigger and shapelier, the mascara to give luscious long eyelashes, the lip-liner, the lipstick, and the bindis all round the forehead just above the eyebrows. …Indeed the brides were beginning to take shape.

Dressed in my white panetar silk sari with red border, embroidered with golden threads, sequins and beads given to me by my parents and uncles symbolising their love, the giving away of their daughter. White to symbolise the purity and commitment. Draped over this panater was a chiffon maroon-red sari from my in-laws, red to say you bring life and colour through your entry into our family. The sari was awesome, elegant and exquisite. Embroidered in gold thread with diamante and beads, it looked absolutely stunning. Nick’s parent’s had chosen this piece with lots of love, affection and expense. Decked with the most elegant, sophisticated jewellery given to me by my parents – the kangan in thick gold around my wrist the show the delicate hands, the armlet round my upper right arm, the choker necklace, the matching earrings to shape my face and neck. Finally the tikka, which adorned the path in my hair to fully enhance the simple French chignon with flowers. The diamond nose ring glittering in the light like a rainbow, my feet ant toes were adorned with bell anklets and toe rings. The bell anklets making a soft sweet sound as I walked. The waistband keeping my bridal saris together on my body outlining my slim figure.

After two hours at the hands of the beauticians the two brides were ready to be presented to the world. I looked at myself in the mirror. The young teenage girl from India dressed in jeans and T-shirt was gone. Now there stood a bride on the threshold of womanhood.

The wedding ceremony lasted more than half a day. The whole ceremony was full of little ceremonies to invoke all the various Gods to come and bless the couples for a lifetime of health, wealth, peace and happiness. It reminded of the book I had read 'The God of small things' by an Indian author in which she had said there were so many Gods for every aspect of life, and this was being proved by the little ceremonies we were doing. Everyone was looking tired but happy. At the end of it all, we all said goodbyes to our families amongst tears of joy and sadness. Seema went to her new family and I joined my new family on the way back to home.