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Fireblade Fatality

by Ambitions of Lisa 

Posted: 31 October 2005
Word Count: 47
Summary: A friend was killed in a motorbike accident last week. I felt the need to write something. I wanted it to be hard-hitting and to the point. I hope this comes across.

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Your rock n roll youthful soul
Now rising from
Twisted awry metal
A hideous carnage
Your demise

Blast from gasoline engine
Burnt rubber stench
Limbs in leather
Flaccid on tarmac
Your crash

You’re smiling I know
Dramatic burnout
Like idols from
A Punk Rock era
Your life

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Comments by other Members

paul53 [for I am he] at 11:55 on 31 October 2005  Report this post
My commiserations. I lost a real good friend the same way some years back now. He was only 18.
I live close to a B road made famous to bikers by the Internet. Every weekend we hear the sirens...
Back to the poem: it comes from the heart and shows. This is poetry that speaks from emotion to emotion.

Ambitions of Lisa at 13:06 on 31 October 2005  Report this post
Thanks Paul,
Sorry to hear of your friend also.
Many thanks for your comment.

Brian Aird at 13:58 on 31 October 2005  Report this post
Having come off a bike or too I know how hard hitting the tamac can be!

Your poem is very direct, but there is no trace of judgement or 'bad things motobikes aren't they' in it.

I like he way the last lines of each verse connect....like an epitaph.


Ambitions of Lisa at 14:03 on 31 October 2005  Report this post
Hi Brian,

Yes, many people see motorbikes as being dangerous, and I think it is a persons's choice whether they ride one or not, so I'm glad it didn't come across as judgemental.

Many Thanks

engldolph at 21:51 on 31 October 2005  Report this post
HI Lisa,

I think the core of this is strong: words to give something that have some sense after a person's death.

I would chop out some unneeded words to give it more power and urgency, which is I think where you are headed...

the core words to me are:

rock n roll soul
rising from
Twisted metal
hideous carnage
Your demise

Blast from gasoline
Burnt rubber
Limbs in leather
on tarmac

You’re smiling
Dramatic burnout
idols from
Punk Rock
Your life

maybe think about why you need the other additional words... I'm sure you need some, but maybe not many..

people need to be remembered in storng words.. I respect you greatly for putting things on paper


joanie at 18:12 on 02 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Lisa.

I live in the "Road Racing Capital of the World" where we get more than our fair share of motorbike fatalities! I like the way, as you say, that it's non-judgmental. I also like the last lines and the stark contrast between the horror of it and the splendour.

I do think that it comes across.


James Graham at 10:39 on 05 November 2005  Report this post
To write a poem like this is very different from writing something we've just set ourselves to write in the normal way. It can take time to see it as a poem like any other, and revise it like any other. But I do prefer Mike's shorter version. It can really strengthen a poem such as this to look at it line by line and weigh up every word, then to take it down to its stark essentials. If you look at 'Like idols from/ a Punk Rock era' for example, in ordinary prose that would be ok, but in this poem you can certainly do without the 'a' and 'era' - possibly 'Like' as well. If you say Punk Rock everyone knows it refers to an era. It can work very well for feelings after a tragedy like this to be put into very brief, brittle, almost (but not quite) disconnected lines. The effect can be to give a sense that the poet has struggled to assemble these lines, that it has been hard to bring coherence to a tragedy like this.


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