Login   Sign Up 



 

Live For Real

by goldenpath 

Posted: 24 October 2005
Word Count: 210
Summary: Optimistic and very pretentious but ....so what. Was really written as a song, if you turn up your speakers I can sing a few bars


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


Take a jump to just make sure that you can fly
Close your eyes and let your feet drop from the wire
Spread your wings and kick the shackles from your life
Run into the space that your mind left far behind
Spend a second searching for your future dreams
And then throw them on the bonfire, live for real

Plan tomorrow just make sure you live today
Kill the sorrow; never borrow what you can’t pay
Cut out all the waste and help carry others’ loads
But just enough to bear the burden on your own
Love yourself and all who mean so much to you
And forget the rest they will do the same it’s true

Always question, don’t expect a straight reply
Live and be yourself as it takes up all your time
Live with others; do not ever hide your lies
Find true love and you can live long after you die
Don’t be selfish with your love give it for free
They don’t want it that’s okay its no big deal

Run headlong into the dark, you’ll sometimes fall
Try again your spirit keeps you on that wall
Always feel yourself spinning like a giant wheel
No beginning and no end just live for real






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



Account Closed at 20:29 on 26 October 2005  Report this post
I like this it's nice, as I read it I feel light and airy and floaty....

The only bit that stuck for me a bit was

for your future dreams
And then throw them on the bonfire,

seems a bit harsh in contrast to the rest.



goldenpath at 07:42 on 27 October 2005  Report this post
Thanks Alexandra - I can see what you mean, it does jar a bit with the rest of the piece. Think what I was trying to say was, don't dwell too long on future contemplation it never normally pans out the way you expect, but I suppose it could have been put in a way more keeping with the feel. This was another piece written in one go just to keep the mood/pattern.

Andy

apsara at 07:50 on 28 October 2005  Report this post
I liked this - reminded me a bit of Kipling's If - the modern alternative version! Nice rhythm though loses it in places - might be worth counting syllables.
Sorry tried to do track changes to edit but it won't let me paste them - so please don't think I'm stealing your poem - I just noticed some things that would make it flow a bit more - feel free to ignore! Also you need to decide if you are going for rhyme or not - first verse doesn't really but others do and sometimes seem a bit contrived - maybe go for half-rhymes?
Take a jump to just make sure that you can fly
Close your eyes and let your feet drop from the wire
Spread your wings and kick the shackles from your life
Run into the space that your mind left far behind
Spend a second searching for your future dreams
And then throw them on the bonfire, live for real

Plan tomorrow butjustBUT? make sure you live today
Kill the sorrow; never borrow what you can’t pay
Cut out all the waste and help carry others’ loads
But just enough to bear the burden on your own
Love yourself and all who mean so much to you
And forget the rest they will do the same it’s true THIS FEELS CONTRIVED. DOES IT NEED TO RHYME?

Always question, don’t expect a straight reply
Live and be yourself as it will takes up all your time
Live with others; do not ever hide your lies
Find true love and you can live long after you die
Don’t be selfish with your love give it for free
If They don’t want it that’s okay its no big deal

Run headlong into the dark. If you, you’ll sometimes fall,
try again. Yyour spirit keeps you on that wall AGAIN FEELS CONTRIVED
Always feel yourself spinning; like a giant wheel.
No beginning and no end. Just live for real


Well done! Apsara


goldenpath at 00:15 on 29 October 2005  Report this post
Thanks Apsara - you're right it is a little contrived, as I said it was thrown out in one go literally (what else?) so I didn't alter anything and I think that's why the rhyme falters in (many) places. Also I had a tune in mind that kept it flowing as such but maybe I lost my voice somewhere. Thank You again for the advice it's greatly appreciated.

Andy



To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .