On Approval by Ellenna - WriteWords.org.uk

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On Approval

by Ellenna

Posted: 30 July 2003
Word Count: 47

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is it possible for someone to gnaw at your heart

is it possible for someone to drink your spirit

is it possible for someone to sap your strength

is it possible for someone to steal your soul
then hand it all back on a plate stone cold.

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JohnK at 23:46 on 30 July 2003 Report this post

Hi Ellenna -

Bitter words, expertly chosen! Would it be possible to add a second stanza showing the exact opposite possibilities? "It is also possible..."

I can relate to the subject, and the powerful sentiment needs sombre music behind it, to increase the effect. The image of a person so coldblooded as to freeze another's soul while it is in their care is spine-chillingly real.

Perhaps for the second stanza the music could gradually change, and the whole piece would raise the spirits of people who are depressed.

Just a thought, JohnK

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Ellenna at 04:20 on 31 July 2003 Report this post

John thanks... Lordy! I dont want to depress people but this one does express a dark quality. Its a bit of an experiment being so short and I am really glad for feedback...I think you are right In that it could be developed will ponder!...as usual it was written "off the cuff" I don't usually "work " on any poems.

Ellie :)

.

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Dark One at 09:50 on 31 July 2003 Report this post

I find this poem very powerful in its bluntness and I feel that the length suits the message of the poem. Some of the best poems are very short and poems can be runined by overkill and repetition. I do agree that this poem could be developed but I feel, as it stands, it is an extremely poignant and thought povocking piece that leaves a lot to the reader to discover

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