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by Epona Love 

Posted: 23 October 2005
Word Count: 86
Summary: Wrote this a few months ago when trying out magnetic poetry... found the magnitic poetry too limiting to express the ideas that emerged, so wrote this without it. We are all angels underneath.

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How could any angel appear
Through fragmented shards of light
Scattered carelessly beside
Your ego, out of sight?

Confined within your earthbound mind
Without free flight, these useless wings
Are tied to servitude and set
To work on better things.

Surrounded by contempt, I wither,
Denied the right to even feel.
Frowned upon through narrow eyes
For daring to be real.

How could any angel raise
Her wings without a hope of praise?
So here lies beauty, peace and light
In the corner, out of sight.

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Comments by other Members

Laura Hunt at 17:50 on 23 October 2005  Report this post
Hi Emma - I liked this a lot. I haven't read all your stuff yet, but preferred this to 'precious'.

The rhyme pattern enhances rather than hinders the feel - which is wistful and poignant. Using wings/angels (metaphorically?) makes it magical and offers a real contrast to earth bound drudgery.

Given the context of honesty/innocence in the piece the irony of '...better things' doesn't work for me or hang on ..... maybe I'm confused here because the first two verses are 'you' the third and fourth 'she'. I had originally thought it was about one person, but is it two and if so whose are 'these useless wings' should it be 'her useless wings'? in which case 'better things' isn't ironic, but the way the person in the first verses sees things.


ps I liked two red roses, too - the use of plastic roses was clever.

paul53 [for I am he] at 09:31 on 24 October 2005  Report this post
I think the whole point of magnetic poetry s its limitedness. t forces the mind to work with the poor selection of tools at hand, making random connections with disparate words forming fresh and hopefully vibrant images.
This is a nice piece. I think it would be nicer - and tighter - with just the first three stanzas, as the last is [to me] a synthesis of what was already conveyed. But as I said to Laura, bear in mind I am currently heavily [legally] medicated.

Brian Aird at 11:09 on 24 October 2005  Report this post
The feeling of being devalued comes across strongly, and [for me] there is also a feeling that the author is trying to distance themselves from the experience; that's why they think of themselves as an unreal, out of sight angel.

The apparent POV switch in the last line of the third verse, implied by the use of the word 'better' is disturbinng. If the word was used by the 'frowner', it's irony jolts us and forces us to realise how the rejected 'angel' must feel. I wouldn't want to frown on POV switches; I sometimes use them myself; though they tend to look wrong unless used with care. One teacher I had banned them altogether!

I searched for red roses, but they've gone!


Laura Hunt at 19:36 on 24 October 2005  Report this post
No - they're plastic! (in the archive).

Epona Love at 21:02 on 24 October 2005  Report this post
Thankyou all for the comments... admit that the first person second person thing is confusing. It's funny really that I didn't notice the contradiction, for me it isn't such a contradiction... a bit like the distancing Brian talks of, there is distance but I'd like to connect with the angel. The angel is my creativity and spirituality, and all the parts of me that are not valued by the person with the ego. What isn't valued becomes none existent and what is valued, 'better things' in his eyes, are all that remains. But they are not what I hold precious. I have been fighting to remain connected to 'my angel'(not a real one), and have felt it was dieing in the past. A friend asked me if I write about the way I felt about my partner etc. so I tried, but it's funny that it revolves around different parts of me really. The different parts of me probably accounts for the different POV, and yes my angel felt rejected. But she also lives and her/my wings grow stronger. I don't distance myself from that part of me, but there was a distance. Does this make any sense what so ever????
Thanks again, and if I changed the POV a bit would it work better as her, rather than me?... not that I'm distanceing myself!

Emma x.

Laura Hunt at 21:19 on 24 October 2005  Report this post
How about - 'surrounded by contempt I wither' all the rest could stay as is.

Continue growing!


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