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by hailfabio 

Posted: 20 October 2005
Word Count: 7

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I will
Suprize you sometimes
I will

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Comments by other Members

Shika at 09:39 on 21 October 2005  Report this post

I'm a complete novice when it comes to haiku but I picked this up on the archive. I really like this. I like what you did with 'surprise' and the second 'I will' brings mystery and a promise of something positive. In fact the prize element of it takes away from the potential threat in the second 'I will'. Nice one. S

joanie at 16:47 on 21 October 2005  Report this post
Hi Stephen. I am getting to be more aware of spacing and pauses. It's interesting how different this would seem if it was:
I will
suprise you
sometimes I will

Thought-provoking in its simplicity.



I wondered if 'surprize' was American but I don't think it is.

hailfabio at 11:03 on 22 October 2005  Report this post
Shika - I'm glad you noticed the 'prize' I didn't think many people would or they would think it was a typo.

joanie - its interesting how structure can change meaning so much. Your suggestion is clever. I like the balance in the original though.


Beanie Baby at 21:12 on 23 October 2005  Report this post
Hi Stephen.
This is like a portal to the universe! It is amazingly effective and goes to show just how much can be said in so few words!

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