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Distance

by SaintG 

Posted: 10 October 2005
Word Count: 42
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Distance


You are

A silent storm
Breaking on a horizon

Blackened

By the bones
Of betrayal

You are

A cold sun
Burning my heart

Cindered

By the chill heat
Of hate

And I am a star
Distant dimming dying
All light lost.








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Comments by other Members



Ticonderoga at 15:25 on 10 October 2005  Report this post
Welcome! This is superb; the imagery is brilliantly sustained and concise. So few words expresiing vastnesses. My only tiny quibble is that I think 'dimming' and 'dying' is too much at the end - I'd be inclined to chose just one.............Very fine piece.


Best,

Mike
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joanie at 20:25 on 10 October 2005  Report this post
SaintG, this is lovely; I like the brevity - I could enjoy: "You are/Blackened/You are/Cindered/And I am a star". The rest is extra.

Very good - welcome to WW and write some more!

joanie
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Shika at 20:34 on 10 October 2005  Report this post
Very vivid imagery. A moving poem. S
Read the WriteWords interview with Emmanuella Dekonor (Shika)
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