“Jesus wept. If you keep talking about it you'll be middle aged before you know it.”
“33 is NOT middle-aged.”
“Ask any 8-year-old - they'll tell you it's ancient.”
“Piss off, Rex.”
“You'll never get a youth fare or a young person's rail card!”
“I said I wanted to do it, not do it cheap.”
“Right! You want your creature comforts. What you gonna do, 4 star trekking?”
“I just want to go - so what if we're married who says we have to be responsible all the time. We don’t have any ‘dependants’.”
“But what about that job you're so keen on hanging on to?”
“Since when did you get to be the responsible voice of reason?”
“Since I decided to wind you up. You'll never pack in work - you need your security blanket.”
“Bastard. I have the funds to do what I want - what's there to stop me?”
“Nothing babe - if you want to then go for it. I'm not going to stand in your way but if you're leaving your mobile and laptop behind can I use them whilst you’re gone?”
“I'm scared to go by myself.”
“Ha ha. You really can't give up the security blankets can you - mobile, car, laptop, income, clothes…”
“I just think it would be more fun to go with you.”
“I've got responsibilities Hon, mainly to my creditors! I can't just swan off on your whim.”
But you've done it before. You know…
“I know what?”
“Y'know….. y'know me”
“If this is what you want to do then I wont stop you, but don’t expect me to make the decision. You just have to do it.”
“But what if I'm lonely.”
“That's for you to deal with. You'll have to go and find people to talk to.”
“This isn't what respectable married people do.”
“Since when did either of us get to be respectable?”
“Well y'know what I mean.”
“I know you want me to take the decision away from you but I'm not going to talk you into it or out of it. It's up to you.”
“If I make the decision will you come with me?”
“Well I guess you have to ask yourself, punk, do you feel lucky?”
“Don’t piss around. Will you?”
“If I answer that it won't help you to make the decision that’s right for you.”
“But I need to know.”
“No you need a security blanket and I'm not going to be it.”
“Meanie.”
“I'm not mean, I'm just right and that's what you don’t like. And don’t try your spoilt little princess sulky face on me lady - it won't work.”

And so the debate went on. Riddled with suburban, middle class, 30 something paranoia. Should I, could we, what if and most importantly the parents, the employers, the bank manager, the family, the friends, the credit card company: what would they say, think do, expect? She’d been tempted into and was now tied to the material.

Such are the dilemmas of a 30 something, she thought, in between sorties to her on line life, struggling to get on in the world and up in the morning.

To breed or not to breed? That is the question. Whether 'twould be nobler on the body to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous stretch marks or to take arms against a sea of in-laws and by opposing - incur their wrath forever.

She tried to justify what this urge was that she had for one last fling. To prove she hadn’t lost it. That she could give up the 'stuff' for a while and go in search of …… other stuff. Travel would always look good on a CV. This, however, has to be balanced against jacking in a perfectly good job after only a few months. Not a very mature decision. BUT I DON’T FEEL MATURE – her brain screamed silently. As she sat in contemplation munching through a packet of chocolate biscuits the words greed, gluttony, lust and pride moved from her subconscious to conscious thoughts whilst guilt forced her towards another biccy.

She continued packing her virtual rucksack. There are certain things I'll need. You can't travel without a first aid kit, that would be irresponsible. And you never know when you might be invited to something formal so the little black dress had better go in. it doesn’t crease and with a shawl it would do for a funeral too. Mind you, it will need shoes to go with it - would they be a waste of space? Books are ok because you can swap them along the way with other people - sorry other travellers.

She knew what she wanted and what she had to do but could she really give up her control-freakiness in favour of spontaneity?
“Come on Rex, it'll be a journey of discovery like Thelma and Louise.”
“What? I'm not wearing a headscarf or having a sex change.”
“Y'know what I mean - in the spirit of Thelma and Louise.”
“Spirit? Have you been at the vodka again?”
“No! I've made my decision, I'm drunk on the excitement and challenge of life.”
“Oh bollocks she’s off. I'll put the tea on shall I?”
“I've made my decision. I'm going to do it. Will you come with me?”
“You’re a lying sack of shit! What if I say no.”
“I'll do it anyway but I really think we should do it together. Not just because I'd miss you but because it would let us bond and share and experience together.”
“What happened to the respectable married image you were so keen to preserve?”
“Why does marriage have to be the end of everything? Why can't we share and evolve and embrace freedom within marriage?”

“Because we're not married to each other.”