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by seanfarragher 

Posted: 18 September 2005
Word Count: 249
Summary: Home has many faces and traumas
Related Works: La Fin de la Lolita (revised) • Moral Man/Immoral Society after Reinhold Niebuhr (1932) • The Nave Modern God • 

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By Sean Farragher

Where I have not lived
is where we all live again
in the panic of our flashed
eyes as reconstructed past
and present as looms
shred blankets out of noble gases.

Where I live in New Jersey bears the malodor of wanton disgrace,
the theft of property in the name of fair decorum as you will,
the broken promises, the sultry lies, -- the infamous stalked wear
old chains that bang/drag as slaves sold in terrible markets from long ago.

I can smell the old, odd excrement rubbed into wood and stone--
Can you imagine the malodor of fossils set to sky with clean roses?

The water broke. No baby born. Death in what ever formulary
rumbles through the streets

False witness bristles in America. We reassure others that we are gentle folk.
We are liars as subtle graceless blossoms fail as the black sky
leaks into our blind steps we run from the able truth to mad delusions
settled in our core for evermore. I am not pretending to trifle as I
speak a little bounce more perhaps child on knee. I stand away
as she kicks the upholstery making it clean not dirty.

Walk on water I proselytize. It is thick and putrid
you can balance civilization on its crust;

Mountains will form from the least edge
and the moist robust texture. Watch
the edges of civilization for faults and sin.
Make it calm and smooth and lie well darlings.


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Comments by other Members

Mac AM at 11:16 on 19 September 2005  Report this post
Hello Sean, there are some lovely lyrical elements to this poem:

As looms shred blankets
Live again in the panic of our eyes
Balnce cicilisation on its crust

However, I have some concerns that I feel prevent me from getting the most out of a poem that I want to understand:

1. Punctuation and linebreaks I struggled to make any headway at first and had to keep stopping and re-reading to try and build on my understanding. Some lines dont seem to make snese at all and as I reader. I felt alliantated by an illusive meaning. Its always on the point of revealing itself, but its just a glimpse that quickly fades.
2. You use a lot of adjectives, many of which are unecessary black, flashed, wanton, fair, broken, sultry, infamous, old, terrible, old (again), odd, clean I think these work against the poem and the understanding of the poem and I would like to see you strip some of these out to stregthen the poem and create a greater imact.
3. I like maladour, but not enough to use it twice especially as there are so many wonderful words connected with smell.

I would like to get to know this poem, but feel it could do with some editing and cutting to make it come to life.


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