Political Correctness…an apology
John Elson and Jim Nicolson come on stage and address the audience – immediately after the opening number.
John Ah – good evening ladies and gentlemen. Just before we go any further, it’s come to our attention that some people in the audience might find some of our humour a little….risqué…
Jim In fact, downright offensive on occasions!
John Indeed. So on behalf of the Hoddesdon Players we’d like to apologise in advance in case any of you are upset in any way by our little show. Clearly, that was never our intention.
Jim For example, we’d never consciously be ageist. Goodness knows, we’re all long in the tooth ourselves.
John (looks at Jim with raised eyebrows before turning back to the audience) So following the best practice, this show will adopt fully the tyranny of political correctness and avoid any hint of sexism…
Jim …racism…
John …sizeism…
Jim …ableism…
John …heterosexism…
Jim …faithism…
John Faithism?
Jim Religious prejudice, John. We must take this seriously.
John How about narcissism?
Jim (preens his hair) Speak for yourself.
John In fact, we’ve cancelled the planned Black and White Minstrel show.
Jim And we definitely won’t tell Irish jokes. Like the one about the Irish attempt on Mount Everest. It failed.
John Why?
Jim They ran out of scaffolding.
John No, we couldn’t possibly tell a joke like that. Our audiences would never forgive us.
Jim So have a great evening and remember that complaints must be submitted in person…
John …via our office in Melbourne. Thank you and enjoy the show.
Jim (sotto voce as they go offstage) Did you see that woman in the front row? She was enormous!
John That was my Great Aunt Kitty!
Jim Do you think we can pay her off? (exit)