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The Digital Age
Posted: 23 July 2003
Word Count: 123
Summary: This piece is in its second major draft stage. I want it to have a certain sterility to it as well as a gentler voice at times. Curious as to what you guys think of it. Thanks.
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The crazy-paved lines
of her analogue face
scramble
and reconfigure to form,
what is unmistakably a smile
at Alfie;
a Sheltie,
whose distended,
bloated belly
drags art nouveau scrolls
through the dust
on the path.
She flashes a grin of glistening pink
and pearl acrylic resin
as Alfie tries to climb polyethylene
surrogate
hip:
one of a matching pair.
Disease chews at his quivering
carcass.
He stumbles.
It matters not to Alfie that his warping frame
frustrates his alpha male
dignity.
He resigns himself to his curlicues;
a canine dedication to
Gustav Klimt.
She reaches down
with a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory
caress.
Connect:
a complex matrix,
a tangle of browns.
Woman and beast:
a six legged entity
captured for an instant in
synthesised immortality.
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Comments by other Members
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 Shadowgirl at 11:22 on 24 July 2003
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Hi Lisa!
The first verse really had the sterile quality you aimed for. Infact, I could hear the words spoken in a computerised voice, without emotion, not exactly cold, but just the words standing alone. I hope this makes sense.
I did not feel that in the second verse - the voice becoming more human in my head perhaps? Wonderful words in this, I particuarly loved "polyethylene
surrogate" and "quivering carcass".
Sorry though - I know I am being stupid, but who is Gustav Klimt?
The third verse was my favourite - had a spooky warmth to it and as you say, gentlier.
I enjoyed this, I think I was captured by the words, even if I did not fully understand (but that's not your fault, that's mine!)
Best wishes
Carole
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LONGJON at 11:28 on 24 July 2003
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Hi Carole,
Try the following:
www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/klimt/
Good luck.
John P.
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Shadowgirl at 11:33 on 24 July 2003
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Hi John - thanks for the info.
You learn something every day - hope you did not think me too stupid!!
Best wishes
Carole
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Lisa at 12:15 on 24 July 2003
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Thanks John - my encyclopaedic friend!
Carole - Gustav Klimt was one of the major Art Nouvuea era artists. He was particularly famous for his paintings of beautiful women.
Thanks for your thoughts, Carole. Much appreciated. I might see if anyone else gets a bit baffled - if so I may reword it or change the reference to Klimt.
Lisa
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Shadowgirl at 12:33 on 24 July 2003
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Pleasure Lisa -
Well now I know who he is, I would of course say DON'T change it!! I really know very little about art, so wouldn't be at all surprised if it was just me who didn't know anyway!
But you know, sometimes it is good not to understand fully - gives it an extra something somehow. Then when you do find out (thanks) you feel rather clever and it gives it a slightly different slant!
Carole
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poemsgalore at 18:52 on 24 July 2003
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I like the line "She reaches down
with a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory
caress." I feel you are talking about a dog and its owner who are both elderly and suffering from some kind of arthritic complaint. The caress having a soothing effect as nsaid's are supposed to.
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LONGJON at 11:01 on 25 July 2003
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Hi Lisa,
Sorry I have been slow to comment, but I have read and re-read this piece, and the only thing it has taught me is how old I am. This poem speaks in a language that has left me behind, I think. It is undoubtedly a very bold piece, no fear of language or of attempting to reveal a thought process in the language, but I have been deserted by the language of modern songwriting, street jargon, hip hop, rap and so on.
I would wish that such were not the case, but it is an unavoidable truth.
Do keep writing.
John P.
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Lisa at 12:57 on 25 July 2003
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Thanks for your comments John.
I'm intrigued as to where you see either street jargon, hip hop or rap lingo in this piece!
Plenty of clinical terms and references to modern materials/ drugs etc, but hip hop!?!?!?!
Yo!
Lisa
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fevvers at 13:13 on 25 July 2003
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"a complex matrix,
a tangle of browns." has a hip-hoppy ring to it - just an observation.
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Hilary Custance at 23:34 on 26 July 2003
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Hi Lisa, I seem to be coming from the other direction, I loved the first verse. I found the language and the imagery, sharp and pleasing, then it seemed to get sort of more clinical yet not so clear a picture. Though I particularly liked 'a complex matrix. A tangle of browns' . Cheers, Hilary
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