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by PhillC 

Posted: 02 September 2005
Word Count: 78

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Remember the waves on Kolka beach?
Frothy sparks of cold sea claws,
Your favourite place shared
with a stranger.
Morning sun bringing lazy intimacy.

Remember the fire at your mother’s?
You desperately wanted to start a flame,
And success as kindling flared into
a night’s dreaming.
Later only smouldering ash remained.

Remember the distant low rumble
of trains, from your bedroom window?
Now a diesel engine pulls me away,
Further from you.
Across one thousand miles of continent.

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Comments by other Members

Cornelia at 15:19 on 02 September 2005  Report this post
This reads like an old, old story in a modern gap-year sort of setting. I have no idea where Kolka beach is, which is, in a way, part of the picture, as are the cold claws, the desperate sense of trying to kindle romance and the cold-hearted departee. Very effective but very sad.



Oh, it's in Latvia. This poem reminded me of a ballad, or should I say several ballads, about parted lovers.

joanie at 17:28 on 02 September 2005  Report this post
Hi Phill. I found this very evocative; I love the repeated 'Remember'. 'Frothy sparks of cold sea claws' is a wonderful image, as is 'Morning sun bringing lazy intimacy'.

I can't help feeling that this is almost a life story encapsulated in a few lines. It must be personal experience(?).

I don't particularly like the capitals at the start of each line, but that's a personal thing. I think the final line, a strong significant phrase in itself, would be more effective with its capital if the other lines were punctuated as in prose.

Very enjoyable.


Tina at 15:19 on 04 September 2005  Report this post
Hi Phil - browsing about the poetry forums and came across this - which I find very evokative and you have some great lines here - a gentle and intimate picture is painted - very lovely

PhillC at 14:01 on 05 September 2005  Report this post
Thanks for the encouraging comments.

I've tried changing some of the capitalisation. I think it does read better this way.

For those curious, yes this was written about a personal experience. I find that I write my best poetry when it is deeply personal. This was written not so long ago, right at the start of a new relationship. So far the story has a happy continuation. :-)

Kolka beach is in Latvia. I've actually written another piece specifically about Kolka, which I may upload here at a later time. I don't want to flood with too much at once.

Cornelia at 15:53 on 05 September 2005  Report this post
Hi, Phill. I was afraid the poor girl had been left looking out to sea. I did look up Kolka, and look forward to more poems about the place. By a strange coincidence, although I'd hardly heard of Latvia, a friend of mine is going off to Riga next week.I thought it was in India, because of the limerick and she wrote back to say she wouldn't dream of going to India in the monsoon season! I should have realised the regret in the last line was genuine, but I was thrown off, perhaps, by the cold claws in the first line. I think I saw it as a kind of Madame Butterfly story at first. I must apologise for casting you as a heartless adventurer.


Felmagre at 08:20 on 06 September 2005  Report this post
An almost, inevitable, resigned sadness about this one. Gentle!

Beanie Baby at 11:41 on 14 November 2005  Report this post
This is beautiful,Phill. It really captures the emotions and was almost wistful. I adore this line: "And success as kindling flared into a night’s dreaming." It made my heart leap. Thank you for sharing.

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