Today
Is not mine.
Suck the porridge from my hankie
And fold it to hide the stain, I am presentable.

The spoon tastes metallic in my mouth,
Lick it again just to be sure
Then scratch a 'J' into the table.
No reason.

I slouch in the chair.
Eyes vibrating in my skull
'She snorts when she cums,
She's a barrel of Malaysian fun'
Click 'continue'.
Slobber, slap chops, slobberchops.
German drinking songs soothe me Today,
Humpa Humpa Humpa Tra La La...

Soup Today.
Add an 'O' an 'H' and an 'N'
To the 'J'.
It could have been 'ESUS'
But I'm not that interesting.
Don't even know anyone called John.
Come on, everyone knows a John.
I don't.

Today the bed frame won't move.
You can't even get to the bathroom anymore.
Maybe if I breathe in?

Game of Riddlesticks? Anyone?
Attractive forty-something
Enjoys long walks
Theatre
Foreign Films
Good Conversation
Weapons of Ass Destruction
0 replies.

I wrote a really good song once
In a stockroom
At four in the morning.
Fifty percent of people liked it,
Fifty percent didn't.
I don't like fifty percent of the people I meet.
You do the Maths.
It had a really good title
And it was catchy.
The subject matter was controversial as with all Masterpieces.
Well,
I didn't write it.
It was co-authored.

But Today I write nothing.
Except 'Buy a Tie'
On the back of a receipt for avocado washing up liquid.

Today I walk slower,
Leaking good will.
Bottle of Best's.
Won that bet.
because his name wasn't Grant.

Hmmm...Frankfurters?
Sausage and rice?
Rice and frankfurters?
Rice?
Ah yes, Rice.
No.
£1.99 Meal Deal.
Pizza
Chips
Garlic Bread
And a Drink.
Ah yes, £1.99 Meal Deal.

Today is full of Spider Plants.
Fucking Spider Plants!
Everywhere I look
Spider Plants.
I don't even know who put them there.
But I do know they won't die,
Even though I don't water them.
Never Have.
Does anyone actually like Spider Plants?
I don't.
They're fucking ugly.

Yesterday I was in someone's bedroom,
With the coats,
Trawling through my phonebook.
The others were outside
Making middle-class conversation.

One day I'll meet Jimmy Savile
And touch an elephant.
And it will happen all on one day.
One day.
One wet, hot, American Summer.

One day it will be Chopsy for me.

But
Today I disown.

Today
Was a hankie in the porridge day.